Month: March 2012

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It’s difficult when you’ve grown so used to submitting to someone and then, suddenly, you’re not. A balance is thrown.

Specifically to that person, there’s still a sort of deference you afford them. There’s something very much “there” that is sometimes difficult to just let lie. Because these things become forces of habit and suddenly your signals are completely crossed.

Generally, it’s just difficult not to have that dynamic. I don’t want to say I’m just hardwired to submit to people, but there is something about it that makes me very happy and feel very secure. Beyond the sexual aspect of it, the psychological level is incredibly powerful. And it’s hard to sit there sometimes and think you’d like to be serving someone but it’s just not happening for you right now. 

I’ve noticed quite a few of you lamenting on here recently over a bdsm relationship that just ended and I send my condolences and best wishes. Because I know how it feels. I’m there right now and everything’s just a little off-balance. 

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Whenever I see a picture on here of a girl with that sort of look in her eyes, it’s like something inside of me says, “whatever you want." 

I’m a sucker for powerful gazes.

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One of my big sexual fantasies back in high school involved a sexual encounter in the snow. It wasn’t really a kinky thing at all, it was more of this very vanilla sort of moment with someone who I cared very much about. It was never carried to fruition, but I get a sort of warm nostalgia whenever I see couples kissing in the snow. I don’t really know what for, but something feels incredibly nostalgic about the whole thing.

The entire fantasy was fairly simple. A lot of it was more about the quietness of the whole thing, the still silence of just being someone with that way in miles and miles of white. Usually, coats stayed on. It wasn’t hasty, strangely enough, I don’t precisely know why the coats stayed on but it was never a matter of being in a hurry. 

I guess snow’s metaphorical somehow. White expanses, purity, I don’t know. Pick it apart how you want, I suppose.

Things I’m having trouble justifying.

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  1. Potentially buying this coffee mug. (Texts From Bennett is the most politically incorrect and morally depraved work of genius ever.)
  2. Really, really enjoying crooked teeth to the point that they’re becoming a prominent detail in my sex dream partners. 
  3. Blowdrying my hair and getting out of bed. Because, ugh, so cozy.
  4. Why I’m so emotionally distraught over the fact that this tumblr hasn’t updated in 3 months. (Truth: Sometimes, when I’m sad, I look at this post from there and it’s impossible to stay sad. Or this one. Or this.)
  5. The fact that this post is turning into my version of an Oprah’s Favorite Things list.
  6. Posting this. Ah, well, you guys can handle it.
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This is the story of the thief and the girl he took home to his partner-in-crime. 

Who they were very good to, albeit a little strict.

And who he kept for a time and then returned, because being a villain is rarely as black and white as the pictures.

But who he kept a little piece of. Which is just fine, since she took a little piece of him, too.

Because when you really boil things down, we all are, in our own ways, thieves. Some of us are just better dressed for the part.