Unfortunately, I was sort of “discovered” by my mother when I was much younger and when I just had some vague inklings, so I wound up having to admit it and confide in her about it. It wasn’t sexual for me yet, but my mother was still very scared and upset. I told her it was a lot about risk, trust, danger, loss of control, etc. And, of course, to a parent, this sounds absolutely like a recipe for disaster, murder, accidents, and so on.

When we talked about it more recently – she kind of awkwardly brought it up – she was worried that I might be running off to crazy clubs in strange places and letting complete strangers beat me within an inch of my life (not my thing). While she still does not completely understand it, I think she’s learned to be more accepting of it and that I know what I’m doing/what I want/how to take care of myself. It’s still terribly awkward and sometimes I wish she didn’t know.

But, yes, I very much appreciate the trust and the risk, it’s a lot of what gets me. 

Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope I answered your question. Have a wonderful new year.

<3, Ivy

Okay, here goes.

1. I haven’t eaten meat for almost seven years, but I started eating fish again last summer. 

2. I know all the words to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger”. All. Of. Them.

3. Somewhere, on tumblr, there’s a picture of my boobs. Happy hunting.

4. For how much it conflicts with my beliefs, I love the book Atlas Shrugged. Points of it actually make me horny. It’s the only book that could make me pity and respect the absurdly wealthy. Both SG and another regular on my tumblr say it’s because the characters fuck like champs. Probably true.

5. I was excessively, absurdly, and mercilessly bullied by my classmates throughout the entirety of elementary school and most of middle school. The experience has left me completely intolerant of, well, intolerance. 

6. I didn’t start masturbating until my sophomore year of high school and didn’t have an orgasm until my freshman year of college. I squirted all over the poor guy’s face.

7. I have a lot of trouble sometimes with just saying “no” and missing out on an experience because not doing it may benefit me later.

8. Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Royal Tenenbaums, Zoolander, Anchorman and I Heart Huckabees are my favorite movies.

9. My mother knows I’m kinky. I tried to confide in her about it when I was a child and had some vague inklings about it. It’s put a ton of strain on our relationship, but I think she’s finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m responsible and I know what I want.

10. No matter how much reading I do, I’ll never fully understand economics. Or molecular biology.

Thank you for the birthday wish!

As for submission, I’d say it’s a lot of things. I like being tied up. I like being hit and spanked. I like waxplay, knifeplay, etc. So, I very much enjoy the physical pain and restriction aspects.

But, I’m also very big on the risk and trust involved. I don’t take the notion of collars lightly, I find the whole thing to sometimes get a little serious. I like the headspaces, the way you can get totally consumed by things, I like some of the grittier things to the point that I get a little scared sometimes (gloryholes, dacryphilia, dehumanization). 

So, I guess it’s just some inherent masochism interacting with the deeper, cerebral, emotional aspects of submission.

I hope this answers your question!

<3, Ivy