teehee

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Hey guys,

I’m taking a trip away for the weekend and sojourning over to another Ivy that houses Penthouse.

Don’t worry, I’m also there on legit business.

But I figure I can also have fun, right?

I’ve got a queue stocked and I’ll catch you all on Monday.

Welcome to my Lair: Random notes on things:

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Welcome to my Lair: Random notes on things:

myanonymouslair:

1. If you type ‘th’ into the address bar of my computer with the intention of going to think geek and doing a little shopping, it actually brings up thinkivykink first. You might get distracted and go to the wrong page first. So first Ivy’s kinks, then Darth Vader cake pans.

2. I just tried…

Giggling forever.

Clearly I exist to keep you from spending money.

And to keep Lemon from reading about important theories and whatnot.

Apparently, I’m a five-guy kind of girl.

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While I was about to leave for the gym this evening, I walked past my mother who was on the phone with one of her best guy friends from her 30s. He’s a riot and a wonderful person and lately he’s been trying to fix me up with his son, who is a year older than me. The kid’s pretty attractive and has a really supreme job (mostly because of his father’s connections, but I’ve never actually spoken to him.

My mom handed me the phone and I said hello. Quickly, her friend said, “my son’s alone this weekend. You should come over.”

I laughed, “I have plans.”

“Put your mother on,” he replied.

I handed the phone off. Sometime, soon, yeah, maybe I’d let his son take me out. It’s a little awkward and it feels kind of dynastic, though. Also, they’re pretty conservative 1%ers and I don’t know if I’m quite ready to dive into another foray into messing around with the 1%. Sure, my mom’s friend is totally open and wonderful, but eh. He once made a comment to my mother that I was “perfect but we’ll fix the liberal thing” that sort of turned me off.

“He’s got his friend over,” I could hear my mom’s friend say through the phone.

My mom chuckled, “Ivy’s not really a two-guy kind of girl.” I winked at her and turned to go. “She’s more of a five-guy girl.”

Thanks, Mom.

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Giggle. Couldn’t resist.

ifeelasincomingon:

Badass.

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Me, age 8: My lower lip is too big. 

My mother: It’s beautiful. And, one day men are going to go crazy over that.

Me: Why?

My mother: … don’t worry about it.

Giggle.

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Almost kind of ashamed that this is the first thing I’m reblogging from drinkyourcunt’s sexy-ass tumblr.

Original title by drinkyourcunt: All literature, at its core, is about wanking.

drinkyourcunt:

Bro 1: You guys mind if I chill here for a bit? Can’t work in my room.
Bro 2: Sure. What’s going on in your room?
Me: [obscene hand gesture]
Bro 1: I’m catching up on some work for creative writing. It’s a poem I wrote.
Bro 2: Oh. What’s your poem about?
Me: [obscene hand gesture]
Bro 1: No, it’s about a dream I had.
Bro 2: What was the dream about?
Me: [obscene hand gesture]