penis – Ivy

Struggling with gift ideas this holiday season?

Searching for a way to give the lady in your life a Christmas surprise?

Stop by the Mally and Ivy Holiday Gift Wrap Emporium.

We provide discerning gift packaging for the man who wants to move beyond the cliched “Dick in a Box” concept into something with a classic, sophisticated feel.

Doesn’t your special lady deserve the best this holiday season?

Say it simply, with a bow.

I send Ms. Lair a picture of a penis with a bow on it and I wind up co-owner of an Emporium.

Go figure.

Tying red ribbons on penises is might be the best part-time job ever until Black Friday rolls around and then it’s just like I cannot keep up right now are you honestly going to wear that bow on your dick for a month what.

So, recently, I received a penis pic from a follower with the caption “use me. however you wish.” I cannot begin to describe to you how overwhelming this was. Well, first of all, thank you for trusting me with your dick pic. You have a lovely penis. But, you have to understand, I’m terribly awkward.

I do present myself with all sorts of bravado on this tumblr and that is not far from the truth. I am flirtatious, I do have confidence in many social situations, I feel comfortable about my sexuality in most arenas. However, there’s just something about certain interactions that make me a little weird.

Well, okay, I’m generally perceived by a lot of people as a little weird. I make some awkward comments sometimes, but most people find it endearing/charming/even sometimes sexy. SG likes to call me Liz Lemon. I’m that kind of girl. I’m kind of a nerdy-sarcastic sexy.

So, yes, thank you for your penis. It’s lovely. That’s the best, least awkward reply I could think of.