When 98% of the guys who message me on okcupid open with the line, “I just have to tell you that you’re beautiful” or “first of all, you’re beautiful” or “I’m sure you get this a lot, but you’re beautiful” or “I wanted to let you know that you’re beautiful.”

Trust me, kiddo. I know. 

And I hate the whole reverse negging that comes with a guy congratulating himself for reaching out to me because “I’m sure you get tons of messages.” Like I’m supposed to give him a pat on the back for being brave enough to reach out to me.

When I was a little girl, well-meaning relatives told me I was far too intimidating. Which really meant that for a guy to talk to me, he’d have to overcome the fact that I came off as someone who didn’t need somebody to reassure her of her inherent value. I even get messages from guys that say I’m intimidating or that I “look like a challenge.”

A little word to the wise for all the straight guys who read my blog: You don’t deserve a pat on the back for talking to a woman who seems like she has her shit together. You don’t deserve a pat on the back for talking a good-looking or intelligent or accomplished woman because doing so might be “hard” or might force you to oh, I don’t know, treat a woman like an equal. 

It’s just as misogynistic as telling a woman she’s “hot for a fat girl” or that “you don’t usually date girls who look like her” because it comes from the same place of wanting the woman to feel grateful that you gave her a chance. Trust me, you’re not doing me any favors by talking to me. 

The people I’ve been most attracted to were the ones who didn’t treat my achievements like a potential dealbreaker, who didn’t call me “intimidating” but instead called me fascinating or clever or exciting. 

This has been a rant.