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The summer before college, I was hooking up with this guy. He wasn’t anything special, but we kind of enjoyed each others’ company. I was rigid enough for him to enjoy some structure and he was loose enough for me to kind of let go. Besides that, we really weren’t particularly suited to each other. We don’t talk anymore, but that’s besides the point.

We had this bright idea to try to make out with Pop Rocks in our mouths. Why? I don’t know. We were post-high school and thought we were awesome. I really honestly have no idea why we wanted to do it and I can’t even offer you a reasonable explanation at all for it. It was idiotic. 

Procuring the Pop Rocks was more of a task than expected. No stores near us sold them. We checked whatever convenience store we stopped in before retiring to whatever parking lot we usually wound up in. But, our search for Pop Rocks turned up unfruitful each time.

Until, finally, one day, I was out jogging with my father and we stopped into a store to get a bottle of water. There, by the counter, I saw the Pop Rocks. I nearly died. Dream realized. I bought them, only to be awkwardly asked by my father every so often if I was going to eat them or not. 

That weekend, we got together to try out the Pop Rocks. We were both just so excited about it, not because of the fact that we were going to make out with Pop Rocks involved, but because we had finally found them after what seemed like forever. 

He dipped his head back and poured some into his mouth and leaned in to kiss me. At first, it was kind of whatever. Just random popping and unintentional munching noises. Then, his tongue hit the roof of my mouth and trapped a huge one in between. It burst hard, cutting his tongue and the top of my mouth. It hurt like a mother.

We both kind of eased away from each other and didn’t say much after that besides the occasional “are you okay?”. 

Moral of the story: I don’t know. Don’t make out with Pop Rocks in your mouth? 

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“Tell me your secret
What you desire
I will still be there for you
And tell me you need it
Tell me something you’re not
I will still be there for you.”

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“They were happy and radiantly innocent. They were both incapable of the conception that love is sin.” – Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged.

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One of my very good friends is a photographer and occasionally he asks me to help him work in the darkroom, mostly just mixing chemicals and such. I remember the first time I went down there with him to develop some shots he’d taken of a guy he was seeing at the time (the entire idea of him taking these pictures post-coitus is just so erotic in and of itself). We closed the door, set up, and then he flipped the switch.

I can’t really explain how I felt beyond the fact that I was overwhelmed by the way everything looked. There was something so crisp and yet so raw about it. We were this bare, grainy matter and our motions seemed gorgeously fluid in this light. I really am not giving the way everything looked justice at all. It was like another state of matter entirely. I decided right then and there that I would one day have to do something absolutely filthy in a darkroom. 

And then I saw the darkroom scene in Vicky Cristina Barcelona with my girl Penelope and I was sold. This just needs to happen.

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I noticed them right away.

We had just gotten a damn good spot by the stage and my friends and I were keeping to ourselves for the time being. We had met up here, some going to school in the area and some, such as I, a short train ride away. But, even in our insularity, I saw them. And I knew for a fact that they saw me. 

She winked and nudged him. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled before leaning down to kiss her. They just looked amazing together. They were one of those couples that made sense. They weren’t blindingly attractive, but they both were blessed with some wonderful attributes and they just seemed to compliment each other so well. It was like this weird kind of symbiosis where they both got a little more attractive out of it on virtue of fitting together (and, okay, being able to just flirt with me in such perfect harmony).

The opener came on. One of my friends followed my gaze before leaning over and whispering, “you into one of them or something?” I just smiled and shrugged. I wasn’t going to leave my friends to go after these people. And, yet…

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Found object in my askbox from Heart

Reminds me that I should definitely work on that third installment of my knifeplay memoir

You know, if I can ever reattach my jaw and get my heart-rate back down to something remotely normal. 

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Glad someone had a time machine and the means to jump ahead and photograph my bridal shower. It’s good to know what I’ve got to look forward to.