growing a pair

Growing a Pair, Part Four

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Somewhere near the end of being flogged, I got really awkwardly subspaced. I say awkwardly because this wasn’t performed with any sort of D/s mindset or frame. It really was me just checking out what the flogger was like.

So, suddenly I’m all quiet and sort of drawn within myself. I shiver a bit when he runs his fingers over the marks to make sure they aren’t raised. Silently, I inspect them myself, mulling over in my head how to get myself out of this space before things get super uncomfortable.

I think, at one point, I was biting onto the knuckle of my index finger. Super. Leave it to me to get really awkwardly subspaced while standing on top of a desk.

“You would, Ivy,” I kept saying in my head. “You of all people would.”

So, I guess I sort of learned there’s no such thing as a casual flogging for me.

Growing a Pair, Part Three

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The first time he hit me with the flogger, he did it on the front of my thigh and I totally freaked out. Not only had I not expected the thing to hurt that much, but I now had these random reddish lines on my thigh.

“How am I supposed to walk around like this?” I asked.

He shrugged, “it’s fine. It just looks like you scratched yourself.”

Because of how short I am, I had to stand on top of his desk so he could get the right angle going. Being the stubborn girl I can be, I kept wimping out and then pressing him to keep going. At first I would make him stop after two or three swats and I was proud when I got myself up to fifteen in a row with minimal complaint. He was courteous and stopped whenever I asked.

I enjoyed how it felt, but I felt awkward actually enjoying it when it was supposed to be an academic endeavor.

But, my gosh, for all the times I’ve sort of been cocky about flogging when it’s been suggested, I redact it. I probably couldn’t take it to my pussy or my breasts because holy shit ouch.

However, the whole experience was pretty fun, even if I got some awkward looks on the train later that evening. And I’d definitely do it again, but I definitely know I can’t talk as big a game about it as I used to. Hurray for realism.

Growing a Pair, Part Two

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I’d like to just leave a list right here of all the awkward from hanging with the guy from Ivy University:

  • When I got to his place, the door was sort of propped open and I knocked to find him sort of just standing in the middle of the room with his shirt off. He just started apologizing and getting dressed and I stood in the foyer laughing hysterically while he tried to explain that it was really hot in there and he had not gotten my text that I was outside.
  • He kind of awkwardly apologized for my random crisis that I had when he found me. And then, for the first time ever, I saw my tumblr on somebody else’s computer. Which was really strange.
  • He very graciously allowed me to look at his knives and then I very awkwardly accidentally cut my finger on one. So, uh, yeah, things usually get uncomfortable once somebody starts bleeding.
  • He, out of nowhere, guessed with perfect accuracy the third location in this post. And then jokingly complained that now he wasn’t going to be able to go over there without it being a “blowjob place, gross”.
  • He figured out who Byron and Blue were. He knows them. And when he put two and two together, his face was a mixture of the expressions one might have if a) you find out Santa isn’t real and b) you find out Mark Wahlberg used to be Marky Mark. Like, the two of those blended together.
  • We wound up chilling for a little bit with one of my other friends and I was telling her something that wasn’t sexual had been mentioned on this tumblr and he was like, “oh, yeah, you said…” and I sort of gave him the glare from hell because I was super paranoid.
  • He handmade this really awesome flogger and since I’m a huge fan of DIY and being a bitch, I asked to see it in action. He let me hit him first which honestly consisted of me flailing the thing in his direction, freaking out, and then saying I wanted to do it the “kink.com” way. Which was basically just me, once again, flailing the thing in his direction and freaking out.

Growing a Pair, Part One

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So, I paid a visit over to Ivy University the other day. I have been talking to the guy from my school who found my tumblr and he informed me that he would be in town. We’ve discovered we have a bunch of mutual friends so I figured I may as well get to know him.

This turned into possibly one of the most uncomfortably fun afternoons I can think of.

And, yeah, whatever. I got flogged. But it was purely academic. I swear. Just let me explain.