Month: November 2014

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Sir just introduced me to Mr. Pete, my newest porn crush, who is like if Jason Segel were a mean, tattooed dom.

Hell yeah, now you can’t unsee it, either.

I’ve been trying to keep a friendship with my ex, but there’s still too many unresolved feelings and issues and some days I hate him and some days talking to him it’s the only thing that gives me peace. Do you have any experience with this sort of thing, or do you think it’s even possible to be friends with an ex?

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I do. And I know that the best thing you can do is give yourself space and time. You need to take care of yourself first, and keeping him around right now is obviously just prodding a wound.

You’ve probs answered this like a million times, but I’m new 🙈 When did you first become interested in polyamory? Slash, how?

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I wouldn’t say I became interested in polyamory (I’m also still not wild about that word, I defer to ethical non-monogamy instead), but it was more that I suddenly found myself in the situation of being non-monogamous? I’d read about it on several blogs – kinkycasey and herdirtylittleheart – before I’d even made my tumblr and I was like woah hey that sounds like it solves a lot of problems.

(Surprise surprise, it raises a lot more. But wow is it rewarding when you can surmount them.) 

I’d always been monogamous but I’d always sort of been like, “hey, I love this but why can’t I have this and other people, too? Why do I have to close the door on everyone just because I found someone who’s great?”

So, I was a sophomore in college. I’d just had two threesomes with two sets of people (well, there was overlap of one party besides myself) who at the time I had a fraught relationship with. I knew I liked what had gone down, but I was aware of how more awesome it would be if it was with people who didn’t bring a lot of baggage to the table.

I made a tumblr. I did my research. I had a lot of botched attempts and hiccups, and I can say without hesitation that what Sir and I (and our partners) are doing now is exponentially more successful and fulfilling than any of my other false starts.

I guess it is hard to answer. We’ve been together for a long time and I love him a lot, but sometimes it also feels like I am having to sacrifice a lot to be interested in the things he is interested in. I would like to continue our relationship but sometimes it feels like it could lead to a lot of resentment on my part even though I try not to blame him for what he can’t help

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I think the first thing you need to do is communicate. Make a pot of tea, sit down with him, and say, “hey, I love you, but this is how I’m feeling about us right now. I want to keep this thing going, but I can’t deny that these are my issues right now.” The strength of a relationship lies in its ability to overcome this sort of adversity, and I wish you the best of luck.