Secretary is, was, and will always be one of my favorite movies. I remember first hearing Whoopi Goldberg talking about it when she hosted the Academy Awards the year it was released. She discussed the outrage that many felt when seeing a film about a woman being forced to carry manilla folders between her teeth while crawling around on the floor like a dog.

Then, I was this ear-reddening, tingle-inspiring feeling that my eleven or twelve year old self couldn’t properly interpret as aroused and intrigued. 

Now, I’m outraged. Because this is not what the movie is about. That’s like saying Citizen Kane is about a sled or Reservoir Dogs is about a cop getting his ear cut off. These are incidental things that happen in relation to what the film is really about. 

Secretary is not a movie about a woman who willingly carries manilla folders between her teeth (the gal wasn’t forced) or crawls around on her knees. Secretary is a movie with these things. What Secretary is about is trust, love, self-discovery and suffering. It tackles the fragile balance of these concepts vis-a-vis a sadomasochistic relationship. 

I can understand why, to people not open to this sort of lifestyle, Secretary can be an incredibly disturbing movie. At first glance, it appears to be anti-feminist in the way that Lee depends so whole-heartedly on Mr. Grey, even to the point of starving herself to prove her devotion. Surely no self-respecting modern woman would do something like that. Right?

Wrong. What people tend to ignore is that Lee did not do these things because Mr. Grey forced her. She acted out of her own volition. She behaved in a way that satisfied her. She put herself on the line in such a way because it met a need that panged around inside her, a need to serve. We even see her backing out of other, similar situations because she did not enjoy the sort of behavior that was being asked of her. She was in control of when she surrendered her control, making her powerful. 

She realized the depth of her trust for Mr. Grey and knew the fruit that came of giving it over. She understood the human quality of suffering and knew that to suffer for someone, with someone, who was suffering, too, was better than to “suffer” alone. This degree of trust and suffering brought her happiness. It was what she wanted. She had the power to quit her job. She had the power to stop the other situations. She had the power to end a relationship that wasn’t serving her. And she had the power, in her final test, to stand up, leave the office, change out of her wedding dress, take a long shower, and move on with life. And by the same token, she had the power to endure what she was given.

And in the end, there was love. There was tenderness. And it’s just really screaming in the photo. It’s not all about suffering. It’s about care. It’s about security. It’s about seeing what putting your trust in someone else can do.

So, I’d say there’s really nothing degrading or disgusting about the film. In fact, it’s almost empowering. It certainly empowered me to stop being so ashamed about certain desires and to pursue what made me happy.

I’ll get off my soapbox now. Thanks for listening.