I’m about to lose followers, but bear with me here. Please.

I feel like I’m being torn in two constantly. I’m a Christian. I’m a kinky, bisexual girl. And, for some reason, there’s a terrible assumption that these two are mutually exclusive.

Both Christianity and my sexuality are huge, huge hot-button issues which make a lot of people uncomfortable. On the Christianity end, I understand that it’s because a lot of Christians have a tendency to make other people feel uncomfortable about their lifestyles by being hateful, rude, and ignorant. I’ve got it. Trust me. But, c’mon, it’s me, Ivy, and I’m not that kind of girl. At all. I’m pro-choice. I’m bisexual and I think gay marriage is a basic right that we’ve been foolishly denying people for fear that it would “destroy the institution of marriage” (in my opinion, it would only strengthen it. I mean, look at how strong a lot of lgbt relationships are!). I’m kinky as a cheap garden hose. Look at my freaking tumblr if you don’t believe me.

Christianity, to me, is not about the exclusivity and the harshness. Perhaps it’s a way different experience for me than it is for other people. I’m sure a lot of other people would call me rude. But, here it is: Christianity, for me, is realizing that it is within my nature that I am this way, I am incapable of being anything other than what I am without feeling miserable, and that my creator understands and loves me for what I do. At the core of my Christianity is love. That’s sort of God’s thing. He loves people. And he’s got a son he put through hell and high water to prove it. 

But, honestly, I’m not going to get into the route of my faith, the concepts, what I think of Jesus, etc. I’m rather going to stress here a surprising finding I’ve come up with in being kinky, queer, sexually liberated and Christian. It’s usually not the Christians who give me a lot of hate for being the former, it’s my friends who are the former who give me crap for being the latter. 

A lot of my Christian friends who I’ve opened up to about my sexuality are incredibly supportive of my lifestyle. And a lot of my non-Christian, kinky, non-straight friends who I’ve told about my religion are incredibly supportive. But, of course, on both ends I get judgment. I’ve been called a bad Christian by both sides. I’ve been called a bad kinkster, member of the lgbt community, etc by both sides. And it really, really troubles me that the two have this duality. I’m comfortable in my faith. I’m comfortable in my sexuality. It just seems like other people get really, really uncomfortable. 

For instance, when I tell my non-Christian friends who are on the more “libertine” end, they’re usually the ones to jump to “you must be judging us” or “you’re too smart for something like that”. They get defensive. I remember one specific instance when I was out with my girlfriend (at the time) and a friend. Here I am, in my openly lesbian relationship where she doms me and blah-blah and this friend blurts out, “I just can’t believe you’re a Christian, it’s something judgmental idiots with shotguns do." 

I’d like to imagine I’m intelligent. I’d like to imagine that I’m accepting. I don’t own a shotgun. And I’d say a pro-choice, vag-licking, spank-enjoying, threesome-relishing girl can still enjoy a healthy relationship with the big guy upstairs. 

So I guess what I’d just like to say is that this whole dichotomy between either being a Christian or being whatever term you’d like to assign to my sexuality is pretty darn frustrating. I really hope I haven’t offended or upset anyone. I’m just saying that while there should be a lot more respect for both ends of this spectrum, there should also be respect and acceptance for those people living in the grey area. Because there’s a lot more people than me sitting pretty there.