July 2012 – Page 5

So, my ex has been texting me. The ex who helped me with the badger. The ex who was the first person to really, really tie me up.

And I know him well enough to know by the tone of his texts that he may be looking for uh, you know, something. They’re not sketchy or sexual, but they don’t need to be with him.

And my inner moron is somehow convinced that might work. Because my friend texted me the other day to say she ran into him and he looked “damn good”. And I know he’s single, blah blah.

The immature, needy, hedonistic part of me is thinking there’s nobody else in this one-pony town, he knows what I’m into and what I like, and guys I’m just plain horny, okay? Really. I’m just horny.

But, then the grown up, mature, logical me is thinking:

Seriously. Before I do something stupid.

I have never, ever thought to ask this question before. And it’s so simple. This is absolutely brilliant.

Seeing images and reading stories of really full and complete submission surprisingly disturbs me. If I see things like shaved heads, permanent pieces of metal, horribly degrading tattoos, basically symbols of total surrender: I shut down. I can’t get into it at all.

I guess a big part of it is the fact that I have been that person without having undergone that sort of physical modification. Although it is not the case in the last year and a half, I have totally lost myself in relationships of this nature with people in the past. And while I have gotten smarter and stronger, there is a sort of residual dump that every so often some trash comes out of to bother me.

So I see those images and it rouses some feelings in me. It reminds me that I don’t want to live my life in a cage or give up my ambitions for some sort of 24/7 arrangement. And while it never got that far, there were boundaries that were definitely pushed both within and outside of the BDSM context. As this is something incredibly hard to express in a photograph and in erotica, I suppose it instead manifests itself for me in the more physical displays of complete surrender.

thenakey:

(via Red Redemption II by *SimonGreek)

Confessedly, I get serious porno brain whenever my yoga instructor says she wants us all to get our backs level so she can “put a glass of wine on it”.

Whoops.

Hello, world.

I have a little problem with being insatiable.

I sort of can’t help myself once I really get going.

Which sounds kind of sexy, until the other party is kind of worn out and I’d like to keep going.

Ivy

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Month: July 2012