Seeing images and reading stories of really full and complete submission surprisingly disturbs me. If I see things like shaved heads, permanent pieces of metal, horribly degrading tattoos, basically symbols of total surrender: I shut down. I can’t get into it at all.
I guess a big part of it is the fact that I have been that person without having undergone that sort of physical modification. Although it is not the case in the last year and a half, I have totally lost myself in relationships of this nature with people in the past. And while I have gotten smarter and stronger, there is a sort of residual dump that every so often some trash comes out of to bother me.
So I see those images and it rouses some feelings in me. It reminds me that I don’t want to live my life in a cage or give up my ambitions for some sort of 24/7 arrangement. And while it never got that far, there were boundaries that were definitely pushed both within and outside of the BDSM context. As this is something incredibly hard to express in a photograph and in erotica, I suppose it instead manifests itself for me in the more physical displays of complete surrender.