Maybe there’s something a little sick about it. The fact that I gravitate to pastel colors and bridal lingerie for play parties or that I enjoy feigning innocence in the midst of doing something depraved. I like being the one sweet little outfit in a sea of leather and fishnets. I like feeling impressionable and corruptible. I like how there’s something inherently a little more perverse about an outfit like that than a mesh bodysuit.

I’ve spent a lot of time shaming myself about the stuff I’m into or finding places to draw arbitrary lines where “this” is okay and “this” isn’t. I’ve done a lot of useless work of sorting through which taboos are still acceptable and which are simply just too far. Frankly, it’s just gotten counterproductive and exhausting. 

So, yeah, I’m a little sick. But I am getting better at accepting these facets of myself.