The relationship between one of my friends and I can best be explained by examining that of Waldorf and Statler on the Muppets. They were my favorite. They were assholes. I loved them.

We’ll call my friend the Southern Gentleman. Why? Because he’s southern. And he’s a gentleman. 

We’re pretty similar people. Same sense of humor, same interests, same sexual inclinations. He and I aren’t together or anything like that, we’re just becoming very good friends. He and his girlfriend are poly, but neither of them are bisexual. That takes a lot of trust. It also must be boring since they can’t share people at all.  

We usually sit around and talk pretty candidly with each other about anything from sexual preferences to Kanye West’s ego. He’s an amazing conversational partner. And, mostly, we wind up turning into these old cooks pictured above.