A quick clarification: This was a party of about twenty people who I consider my friends. Some of them happen to be people in my graduate cohort and some of them are work colleagues. This wasn’t my boss or my neighbor or people I don’t already – on some level – trust. So, I consider this a “soft coming out.”

While a good handful said stuff like “how dare you have two hot guys” or “wow, it’s so cool they get along” or “congratulations you big slut,” most people said nothing. Maybe you can interpret it as reserving judgment, but there’s a more nuanced story here of people sort of saying, “you know what? I’m a mature adult. Ivy is a liberal girl. We live in a liberal city. We are all liberal people in this house at this party right now. And even if I don’t agree with it, it’s her goddamn business.”

I do know how people are. I also know what I look for in the people I surround myself with. Four people (to my knowledge) in that room identified as either kinky, non-monogamous or both. Everyone identified as liberal. No one was homophobic. Quite a few of them were homo/bi/pansexuals themselves, and would freaking know what it’s like to have to hide aspects of your love life to make yourself seem more “palatable." 

As an intelligent and educated woman, I know that maybe things were said. But, I also know that you can’t legitimize something until you give it visibility. And even if someone felt awkward or went home last night thinking something about me, at least they had to set it against the intelligent, educated person they know and think, "you know what? Why does this bother me? Is it even that bad?”

I think if I premiered what I do into broad-ass society, I would be subjected to much more of what you imagined I was. But I took a step (a brave one, no less) in a fairly safe environment. 

And honestly, if they’re genuinely judgmental, it’s because they can’t shake the fact that I’m dating two really hot, really smart, really interesting people and that level of awesome is just too much for some folks.