Hey Ivy, I have a question regarding safe words, especially after reading your last bit of “Halfway there.” Do you think safe words always work/ should be the only way to stop a scene? I ask this because I get really REALLY spacey to the point sometimes I don’t remember what I say. I’ve never played a scene as intense as the ones you’re describing, but I worry that if I did, I wouldn’t even be coherent enough to think of my safe word and say it. So what do you think is the line there?

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Wonderful question!

So, safe words DON’T always work and shouldn’t be the only way to stop a scene. One reason that Flint and other partners (Sir, Daddy, etc) I’ve had ask me for my safe words during a scene is to make sure I’m still capable of using them.

Flint and I did a thing recently and I got kind of incoherent. He asked what my safe words were and I kind of provided a sort of jumbled “wub-wub-wuh” as an answer. So, he ended the scene because I wasn’t able to provide the safe words. 

Another thing I’ve had partners, including Flint, do is ask me to repeat my words to them and then specifically ask after I’ve successfully provided them, “would you like to use one of them?” If I say one of them, they adjust accordingly. If I say a definitive “no, keep going,” they do. If I say anything along the lines of “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure,” they stop the scene. Because consent is that important and should never be ambiguous.

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