It’s taken a lot for me to be able to admit to myself that I enjoy – and am worthy of – attention. I fall back so often upon fears of being demanding and anxiety over how much space I am allowed to take up in the world, in other people’s lives, in my own priorities.
And as much as it’s manifested personally, it’s manifested on a level in my kink as well. I find it so hard to ask for the things I like by name because I fear I’ll come across as far too demanding, I’m afraid to admit that I love attention because I fear I’ll be considered self-centered or that I’ll be slut-shamed.
But I’ve been trying so hard to throw that burden off of myself in other areas of my life, and I feel like I need to do that here as well. So, yes, anons who call me a narcissist, I might just be a little bit of an attention whore. And, no, I’m not going to waste my energy at the next play party or orgy I go to trying to hide how much I sincerely and wholeheartedly want to be there.
Yeah, I like receiving attention. And maybe sometimes I’ll overstep it and be a little too needy or a little too demanding, but I would rather that than worry that I am simply taking up too much space.