The anon of the rape question. My name is Lisa by the way, so I’m not an anon. Thanks to brightswitch for addressing my question and actually giving a coherent answer. Ivy, I’m sorry you were so offended and defensive by a topic I think presents an interesting debate, I could find some of your logic too in your angry response. I wasn’t condemning your sexuality or your enjoyment of that fantasy, I was just wondering if you could actively differentiate it in your brain, and I see that you do.

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Hi, Lisa. You must understand that very often the nature of these asks comes in the form of an attack. I believe that my answer was actually rather coherent. Every sentence was a complete sentence grammatically and syntactically. The content, I believe, had some logic to it.

So, if you’re looking for me to apologize for being angry, I really don’t think I need to. I started this blog to help me cope with a lot of the lived messiness of my sexuality, and to speak to a few people who were doing the same thing. I wanted to interact with some members of the community without having to deal with sending things as “an anon” and I wanted to engage with my sexuality in a productive way that allowed me to decide what I wanted without condemning myself. In the past, I spent a lot of time shaming myself and being shamed by other people. I didn’t expect to get so many followers. And it hurts me when people try to push me into a corner and question me because, guess what, it happens a lot. Not only that, I spend a lot of time doing it to myself.

By the same token, you’re not sorry either. You’re not sorry that I was “so offended and defensive.” You just wanted to let me know that I was. And, yes, I know I was. I’m not sorry for being offended and defensive and I’m not going to apologize for it. I’m not sorry for feeling attacked. I’m not sorry for treating you – coming behind the guise of an anon and still being an anon without a blog – for critiquing the way I present myself while giving yourself the dignity of not presenting yourself for critique at all. You’ve stepped into a debate with no personal stakes, and proceeded to drag me into it not on an intellectual level, but a personal level. It wasn’t, “how do you feel about the intersection of rape culture and consensual nonconsent?” It was instead, “how do YOU justify YOUR sex life?” First rule of debating is to stick to facts and keep the personal anecdotes off the table. 

A digression: Bright supplemented my answer wonderfully by adding the fact that I add disclaimers. That was delightful for me to hear, because I worry my disclaimers might come across as silly or superfluous. I’m encouraged that they’re functioning as an effective trigger warning and they allow people to still enjoy my writing. Thank you again, Bright.

But, yeah, my brain was working. I can differentiate it just fine. Thanks for checking.  

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