I’m appropriating the word benevolence from the term benevolent racism. As in, they think they’re doing you a favor or complimenting you, but they’re just doing something racist (or sexist, in the case of benevolent sexism.)

Benevolent racism example: Telling a black person that you bet they’re awesome at basketball. So like, Michael Scott on The Office calling Stanley his “secret weapon” in the company basketball game when he’s never even seen Stanley play basketball, basing this idea entirely on Stanley’s race. (See how it’s phrased as a compliment, but it’s based on a racist assumption?)

Benevolent sexism example: Praising a friend’s pretty house by saying that it “really has a woman’s touch.” Rather than, say, calling it well-decorated or pointing out the specific nice details.

And hey, benevolent racism is STILL racism. Benevolent sexism is STILL sexism. They suck. Don’t do it.