I totally empathize, and that’s part of the reason why I don’t use online dating anymore.

I’ve never had luck with online dating sites, none of my current relationships have come out of them and the longest I’ve ended up dating someone I met through an online dating service was maybe a month. 

My best way of meeting partners has always been through my local kink community. I was introduced to Pup by a partner of his after I met her at a munch. I met both Leo and Rex at play parties hosted by a couple I met at those munches. A good friend of mine introduced me to her neighbor, The Neighbor, after he’d confided in her that he was interested in kink and curious about non-monogamy.

I know OkCupid has specific settings that appeal to non-monogamous/poly individuals, but I always found that it was peopled with unicorn-hunters and people who haven’t quite articulated their personal and interpersonal boundaries. I have the privilege of having a pretty good poly/kink community, but I know this isn’t the case for most people. 

So, no, I haven’t had much luck with online dating services. Though I totally know people, poly and otherwise, who’ve met their spouses/long-term partners on there.