First, on how to let your partner know: Maybe find a porn a little softer and more peripheral to your interests and ask your partner to watch it with you? Or find a scene on a TV show/movie that turns you on and bring it up? Or just be like, “hey, I love when we do this, but how about we tried adding this?”

Start slow and easy. Light, playful spanking on the butt. Maybe having your partner hold your wrists down when they kiss you.