I was about to make a whole post about this, actually. But I’ve been totally putting it off because it’s hard to talk about.

The situation with him right now is different in general. This is the longest we have ever been apart from each other. His situation in particular right now is kind of crappy: shit going on at home, secondary partner has moved away and job stuff that’s keeping him from doing the things he loves (making kinky crafts and hitting pretty girls.)

A few months ago, we were totally reversed, so I can empathize with how he feels. Things were heating up with the aforementioned secondary and I would literally end up crying myself to sleep every night together because my fears had convinced me that because of their similarities and their proximity to each other, he would just leave me for her.

Thankfully, he’s a little more level-headed about the whole situation than I was. He does feel upset, naturally, that he can’t be there now that I’m finally able to acknowledge the kind of submissive I want to be. It absolutely stinks that he’s not around for a lot of my breakthroughs, most of which are happening over the phone, where I can finally be like, “wow, this is okay and I can do this.”

That’s just the self-initiated stuff. When it comes to Flint & co, there’s a whole new can of worms. Partially because I’m carrying out some of this new stuff with people who aren’t him, and partially just because while he’s amazing about compersion, he naturally still feels envy or gets a serious case of FOMO.

The other night, for instance, I was out with Flint and the other guy that some of you people apparently think I’m recreationally sneezing on, and Sir was finally free/able to Skype. We hadn’t Skyped since the beginning of June and he excitedly informed me that he was free. And there was this awkward, “oh guess what I know I was only getting lunch with these people but I’m still out.” We were overdue seeing each other, but it was annoying. I’d much rather be out with other partners, come home to him, have him be off doing his own thing as well, etc.

So long answer short: yeah, it’s really hard. But we’re trying and he’s proud of me for the progress I’ve made. And, naturally, I’m saving a lot of firsts just for him.