Hi there,

It’s really hard to say definitely whether I always “slipped easily” into submission because there are so many different ways submission manifests itself, and I certainly don’t respond well to all of them. For instance, Sir really likes it when submissives refer to themselves in the third person (“this girl wants blah blah” or “your girl needs blah blah”) and until recently when I’ve been doing it just a little for him, I just find it super absurd and a grammatical nightmare. 

The lifestyle isn’t an all or nothing thing. It’s tons of layers of different things that people can or cannot like. If you look at fetlife’s whole “list” function, you’ll see just how many things fall under the huge blanket of BDSM, an acronym that is barely even contained by its own letters. 

One thing your boyfriend needs to do (or I hope is already doing) is not hold you to his ex’s standards of behavior. I had an ex show his new girlfriend my blog once and I was fucking furious. Number one, this girl was a beginner and he was holding her to the standard of someone who had practiced this stuff with a few partners. Number two, come on, don’t fucking show people my blog and then put a face to it.

And one thing you need to consider is: is this something that’s triggering or that crosses a boundary that makes you feel unsafe or sad or uncomfortable? If so, it’s off the table. I like the feeling of having something in my ass, but the second it moves, it brings up all sorts of messy feelings. So, Sir knows that and we don’t have anal sex, but I don’t mind having a plug in there. And if that’s the case for begging for cock, then that’s that. It’s a hard limit and you don’t do it.

If it’s just something that maybe isn’t your cup of tea but it’s not particularly damaging, why not make it fun so that it doesn’t turn you off immediately? Instead of just sitting there and begging for his cock, why not try begging for it while he’s going down on you? 

I hope this helps.

<3, Ivy