Yes, I follow my boyfriend on Tumblr.

I’ve gotten an ask like this before, and that person also used the word “brave.” It’s weird that the word’s used, I’m not exactly being subjugated to him or sacrificing myself.

So, here’s the thing about his blog – and mine as well – both present a very limited window into the kinds of people we are. We’re both rather different than how we present ourselves on the Internet, which is a product of the fact that we’re only showing a small facet of your personalities on this site. 

Some of his tastes are a bit intense, but he’s also the kind of guy who cries if you merely mention the stampede scene in The Lion King. He’s very patient, we talk through everything before we do it, and he’s flexible about doing stuff I want, too, that he wouldn’t necessarily ask for himself.

The thing about our relationship is that it’s not this dynamic where I walk into his bedroom at night frightened of whatever sick thing he’s concocted to do to me. A lot of the stuff we do is left off this blog because it’s not exactly thematically relevant. We do stuff that vanilla couples do like watch certain TV shows together, go out for ice cream, and send each other cute mail.

And the thing about his blog is that a lot of it is pure fantasy. He’s never chained me up in a train yard or made me give a blowjob to a politician or packaged me up and put me in the mail. Sometimes, he’s just posting stuff he finds merely sexy in theory. 

Also, I might just be just as sick and twisted as he is. Part of what’s been really fulfilling about our relationship is that I have owned up to fantasies that I could never even admit to myself because I was scared of what they implied. And what’s so amazing about him is that he never judges me and gives me a space to express things that aren’t quite as “softcore BDSM” as this blog is themed. Because beyond the safe space we’ve built together, I still have trouble owning up to them.

So, yes, maybe I am becoming brave, but not for being with him.