I haven’t been completely honest with you, tumblr. It’s not that I’ve lied. It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s just that I haven’t told you the whole truth.

The major dip in personal posts is not because I completely went off the radar for months at a time. I was seeing people. I was having fun. I had some crazy experiences. I’ve really seen myself change and evolve and let go. It was honestly inspired.

But, there was someone reading my tumblr who I was previously involved with. Someone who then showed it to a girl who was submitting to him. I felt terribly exposed, so I kind of closed up shop. I considered completely deleting my tumblr. I considered changing the name. I was just panicked and worried that if I were to upset him in some way that this would turn into horrible blackmail. I want to be anonymous, he was unashamed. It wasn’t a good mix.

Also, he was still very attached, while I had moved on completely. It hurt to see him that way. I felt bad. And, with the knowledge that he still looked at my tumblr, no matter how many times I told him not to, I was upset and concerned about breaking him down with the fact that I was now seeing other people. He was, for some reason, and without even asking, under the impression that I wasn’t. 

However, we recently have, for other reasons, closed down most communication. And I’m just full of these stories. And I want to trust you all. I want to trust that this stays between us. And I know that’s silly to say, with hundreds of followers, a bunch of anons, and apparently this girl he was involved with all on tumblr and watching me here. 

I had so much trouble keeping a journal all my life. But, for some reason, tumblr keeps me motivated. I guess it’s because of the love and the positivity. And so I want to try to be honest here. I want to recount what happened in these many months past. I want to tell you the sexy and the funny and the downright awkward. I want to tell you the sad.

I want to say that I would be able to own up to my tumblr if it were used against me, but I’d rather never have to think that would happen. I do not resent my ex for what he has done, though I hope that, if he is reading this message (even after saying he had completely stopped looking at my tumblr), he will be able to look upon this with respect and not contempt. 

You all have been so wonderful, so supportive. And I hope this continues. I’m trusting you here.

<3,

Ivy