Question: I’ve not been on your tumblr in ages, but I remember that you had a tail plug… I’ve been trying to find a good one lately, and I was wondering what yours looked like or how it was acquired, or if someone made it for you?

Answer: My tail plug is the combination of an N-joy medium butt plug with a faux fur tail clipped to the handle. Sir found the faux fur tail on ebay and surprised me with it.

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Question: Hi Ivy, I was wondering if you’ve ever dealt with some extreme jealousy or scenes from any of your partners. I’m not in a poly relationship, and lately my bf has been acting like a jerk whenever I meet a male friend. I’m not sure how to handle it, we’ve talked about it and all. He always apologizes profusely the day after, but my patience is running out.

Answer: Of course. Jealousy is a natural emotion – the way you deal with jealousy is where the stability of a relationship lies. What I’m hearing here is that your boyfriend seems to feel threatened by the idea of your susceptibility to infidelity, which seems a little odd if he feels anytime you’re going to be with a man you might cheat. That doesn’t sound like jealousy so much as insecurity about his place and security in your relationship, and I think that’s the paradigm you need to frame this within when you discuss it with him. This doesn’t seem to be an issue of jealousy, it seems to be an issue of his inability to trust you.

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Question: Ehehehehe, my (usually monogamous) friend told me a story about how he went on a date with a guy whose boyfriend came home in the middle of their shenanigans and then asked to join in, which my friend eagerly agreed to. I jokingly told him he was a gay unicorn, and he now has a sticker of a unicorn on his phone.

 Answer:  

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Question: Any tips on lap dances or even a how to? (without penetration?) I want to give me partner one but I am unaware as to how 🙁 I feel so stupid.

Answer: Do what feels natural and fun. Watch YouTube videos. Watch the Anaconda video (hot damn). There’s also, according to myanonymouslair, a lot of dance studios that will offer lessons in this. No matter what – don’t feel stupid! Our culture teaches us that we need to be instant experts at sex while still being cute and virginal and appealing. Fuck that. Be yourself, make some mistakes, be cute while doing it.

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Question: I’m in a long distance relationship (monogamous) and my problem is that when we’re not physically together my sex drive plummets. I’m not good at sexting or cam or anything like that, I actually hate it. Do you have any advice to ignite that spark? Thanks!

Answer: I’ve done a thing with SG where we’ve sent each other porn/erotica/etc that we think the other might like. It’s exciting and sexy to see what aspects of your sexuality a partner can pick up on – not to mention it gives you fodder for stuff to try later! 

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Question: I used to be poly in undergrad and seeing your blog makes me really miss being poly and makes me want to try again. Lately I’ve been dating a guy on and off who wants to try non-monogamy. We’re long distance and he’s afraid of monogamy partially because he thinks he’ll cheat. I feel like if I can’t trust him to be monogamous I don’t feel like I could trust him to be non-monogamous. Do you think I can compare the two? Do you think I could trust someone like this in a poly relationship?

Answer: That’s tough. Ask him why he thinks he’ll cheat. Talk about needs, about expectations. And when I say needs, I don’t just mean sexual – I mean the communication needs each of you require. I think poly hinges on trust and trust hinges on communication. You’re asking the right questions here already. It’s important to realize that poly won’t fix these concerns and that infidelity still happens in non-monogamy.

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Question: Sir’s Asian?

Answer: Why do I get this ask so goddamn often, and usually with such a tone of surprise? Yes, Sir is Asian. Why does it matter?

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Question: I may not follow you because I’m a prissy bottom that’s ashamed of how dirty I can get but I do love your blog ^///^

Answer: You don’t need to follow me, but you shouldn’t be ashamed of how dirty you can get!

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Question: I had a dream last night that you and Sir were having a party (In kind of this really creepy warehouse but I think that has more to do with playing Outlast than a reflection on you), and on the first floor everything was normal, and there was a lot of vanilla conversation and mingling, and then down below you had like, several rows of cages filled with girls (consensually obviously), and I wanted to go to your party but my vanilla friends wanted to go, and they kept asking what was down there and you were like ‘nothing to be concerned about’ and would pat them on the head. And then you gave me a mix cd to work out to. It was very strange.

Answer: Sounds about right.

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Question: At some point I was contemplating being in a LDR and when discussing it the idea of non-monogamy was touched but the relationship ended even before it became LDR. My question is, do you think your ethical non-monogamy would be different if you and Sir would live in the same city? Would it have taken longer to develop or would you have more play partners in common with Sir?

Answer: Great question! Sir and I have two very different poly styles: I’ve discovered I like deeper, more sustained relationships/dynamics with a few people (with maybe a fling or two thrown in) and Sir really prefers having one main deep relationship plus a bunch of little flings. We both break our own rules on that sometimes, though, when a special person comes around or something of the like. Were we to live in the same city, we’d probably still pursue these things individually, but we’d have a lot more group stuff, certainly. He and I have never formally shared a partner in terms of each of us having individual dynamics with the same person, though we’ve had some threesomes. So, I think the main difference if we lived together is maybe there would be some partner crossover a little more, but I think generally our relative preferences might not make our poly look much different than it does now. Except that we’d get to go to bed together most nights (oh yes please) and some nights might be off sleeping at a partner’s.

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Question: Sir seems to like your partners and have a lot to do with them. Is that weird? Do you like his other partners?

Answer: It’s preferable, honestly. In the past, he’s had hesitations about other partners I’ve had, and his instincts have always been correct. What’s wonderful about him, though, is that he’s never made me stop seeing someone and let me decide when that relationship wasn’t healthy/positive on my own. 

In terms of having a lot to do with them: not all that much. He and Pup are a huge exception, and it might be due to the fact that Pup and I are kind of “dating” in addition to just playing and that Sir seems to genuinely trust Pup with me. Also, the two of them just get along well on their own, and I think if we all lived in the same city, they’d be friends independent of their relationships with me. That said, they’re not talking everyday – Sir wished him a happy Thanksgiving over the holiday, asked him once to go comfort me when he couldn’t himself (Sir’s the best like that) and of course arranged that sexy thing once. Their communication isn’t particularly regular.

As for me, I’m friendly with the girls Sir refers to as “cunt” and “bitch” on his tumblr. They’re both lovely. 

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Question: Have you ever tried double penetration? What’s the largest insertion you’ve ever managed to take?

Answer: I’ve had vaginal sex with Sir while I had a plug in my ass, and I’ve been spit-roasted. As far as traditional pussy and ass DP, no. I have no interest in sharing my asshole with anyone besides Sir and we’ve not had the opportunity to have somebody fucking my pussy while he was in my ass. But, a girl can dream. Maybe if he can make it back to the states for my graduation, and I’m a very, very good girl, he and Pup can do that.

Largest insertion? If we’re talking anally, Sir’s cock. 

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Question: Got kik?

Answer: