Well, this has been an interesting month for me.  In keeping with femsubdenial’s instructions today, this is going to kind of summarize my denial December.

When I decided to do denial December, the longest I had ever intentionally denied myself orgasm was about five days.  I had gone for longer without coming, but when I did it was because I was stressed or busy, or just simply had low libido.  Completely different than intentional orgasm denial, though.  I was resolute to go the whole rest of the year without orgasm, though, and was successful until December 18th.  That was the day I accidentally pushed myself just a fraction of a second too far, and had an utterly ruined orgasm in my shower.  It was disappointing, but I still managed to stick it out the rest of the month.

As far as surprises go, honestly, I’m surprised at how much self control I showed, especially just a little ways into the month.  At that point, I wasn’t used to orgasm denial.  I’ve tried to deny myself orgasm in the past, but ultimately never could just edge.  I would always go a little bit too far.  I hit a day early in the month where I was laying in bed just looking at porn for hours, and my entire body felt like it was thrumming.  I was so beyond turned on, and yet somehow I managed to avoid giving up and making myself come, and I’m really quite proud of that.

Another thing – not a surprise really, but a skill I gained – is edging.  I always had trouble finding the line between an edge and spilling over.  So from the beginning of the month, I was very careful to not get too close to the edge.  What amazed me was that, as the month wore on, I could get closer and closer and I was actually able to edge without accidentally pushing too far – except for on the 18th, of course, but that was more due to lack of planning.  The edge came up on me far too suddenly, and I wasn’t able to move out from under the stream of water that was blasting my clit as quickly as I needed to.

That was another thing that surprised me – the ruined orgasm.  It was almost painful, because I pulled away before I even started pulsing, and I was so horny, and it was just so unsatisfying.  I had never truly had a ruined orgasm until that day.

Overall, December has been an achy, horny, but very fun month.  I’ve used this time of not coming to try to be a more sexual person.  Not exactly publicly, but more inside my own head.  I’ve relished in the feeling of getting hot and bothered at little things that I see on TV or thoughts that pass through my head.  It was good for me, and I may try to make orgasm denial a slightly more regular thing.

I think I will come on January 1st.  I don’t have a specific plan – I’ll probably just lay around looking at porn for a while, and tease and play with myself until I really want it.  Then I’ll see what happens.  On the other hand, if I don’t get horny enough, I still might wait until I really want it.

I don’t know what’s next, if anything is next, as far as kink goes.  I’m hoping to find someone dominant that I really click with, but until that happens, I’m pretty happy where I’m at.  I’ll probably explore a bit more, maybe buy some sex toys, keep practicing orgasm denial.  Love all of you guys, and I’ll be watching out for any challenges in the future!  Thank you to femsubdenial for this challenge – it truly was a great month.