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I make a pretty victim

JuNO Day 17

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Tomorrow marks my personal denial record, and if I make it to day 19 I’ll beat what I did back in December 2014 (when I accidentally had a ruin on day 18) ^^

Also I was wrong when I said this just felt like a dry spell o.o I think I had drop for a few days from some stuff and just wasn’t feeling into it but this no orgasms thing has definitely been having an effect, even if I’m not playing all that much. I get kinda turned on rlly easily and it’s so easy to get me into a subby state of mind, what even.. I like it, it’s so frustrating because I don’t usually feel this way when I’m cumming whenever I want.

But I’ve been having orgasms regularly since I was like 9 and I feel like I’ve just taken them for granted, and I can’t even decide if I really want to have one?? Like I like feeling like this. It’s not how I usually am. Usually I just… am a little too uptight, to be honest, about anything remotely intimate (not even sexual, like just regular intimacy, and then especially anything sexual). And I feel so much more chill and laid back about everything and it’s great and I don’t want to lose it.

But I’m supposed to be able to cum again on July 8? I don’t know. I don’t know if I should. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself… But I’m considering not? Before, when I denied myself, I didn’t really understand what my asexuality meant, and I just knew I liked how I felt during that whole month, and that it was out of the ordinary for me to feel so relaxed about sex and stuff. And now I’m realizing this is the closest to being a normal sexual person I’ve ever felt and I love it and don’t want it to end! Uggghhhhhh. I don’t know?

Maybe I shouldn’t just get to cum whenever I want. o.o that scares me a little.

Anyway, this has been a pretty long update and definitely contains some personal stuff and idk if it will really make sense for most people but that’s what’s been flitting through my mind, lol!

tl;dr – the denial is driving me nuts in a good way, I’m getting turned on at random times, and part of me really doesn’t want it to end, which is simultaneously a really great and really uncomfortable thought!

JuNO Day 14

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I’m sorry, you guys. Idk what’s up with me, and I’ve definitely had my moments of “omg I’m so turned on”, but most of this month has just felt like a general dry spell instead of intentional denial. I mean I’m only halfway through, so there’s a chance I’ll still have some good moments, and I’ll keep you guys updated. Maybe I need to play and edge more. But it just seems like a chore right now, and seems like every time I do I come down from the edge and feel totally normal again, like I don’t really care.

I mean, I’ve definitely been easier to turn on, for the most part, so that’s good. That’s one of the effects of orgasm denial I love. But it’s still been so off and on… sigh. But I’ll keep plugging along, and I’ll try to play more, with or without edging, and I’ll keep updating you all! Hope something good happens soon.

JuNO Day 9

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Oh my godddd. I’m sorry I haven’t really been updating! But nothing too exciting has been happening. I’ve still been going strong in JuNO. But yesterday (June 15, day 8 for me) I had the closest edge I’ve ever experienced. I was worried I was going to have a ruin, honestly, and there was definitely some incredibly weak spasming? But not like any ruin I’ve ever experienced, and it didn’t lessen my arousal in the slightest, so I’ve concluded that it was just a super. intense. edge.

I slept (sleep isn’t really the right word 😂) in a crotch rope last night, though, and oh. my. lord. It was intense. Still is, technically, because I’m still wearing it. But trying to sleep while wearing a crotch rope that causes just enough delicious friction in exactly the right places every time you breathe and not being able to do anything but lie there and deal with it and not cum… *shudders* This was my first time ever sleeping tied, and also my first time wearing a crotch rope while not being able to grind on it and make myself cum. Aaaahhhh. Definitely didn’t help that I ended up on tumblr getting myself more and more worked up for probably about an hour after actually going to bed.

As I was finally falling asleep, I had the most intense dream/hallucination, whatever you would call it, that I was being edged with a hitachi, but without it having to back off to keep me from cumming like it would irl. I woke up actually on the edge of an orgasm and just… had to lie there and deal with it 😭  it was kind of amazing. Yeah. I woke up a lot last night. 

 Aside from that, I’ve just been playing regularly, and still haven’t had any orgasms since June 7. Since my period ended, about four days ago, my arousal just keeps steadily growing. Having my period at he beginning of denial just means that I’ll be ovulating, which is when I typically want to grind on anything and everything anyway, is going to happen pretty deep into JuNO and oh my god I am both excited and terrified for that. Like, I already have a steady, mild ache pulsing its way through everywhere between my clit and my tits half the time. It’s ok when I’m around people, but then every time I’m alone… aaaahhhh.

Also, my birthday is Monday! I’ll be 24 on June 19, and I hope I can do something to make it special. But I guess I’ll just have to wait and see ^^

JuNO 1st Update!

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Day 1

So, sorry I didn’t post this yesterday! I was with a friend for like 24 hours lol so not much time. I played a looooooot during the first half of the day though, I basically spent all of Day 0 and Day 1 like way unusually turned on, it was just there buzzing in the back of my mind all day. There’s something about making that commitment to not have orgasms that really ramps it up, hehe. (Again, to my irl friends that are on here, I am so sorry).

Day 2

Aaand then my period started today, and I’m really just not in the mood all that much : but I’m trying to play a bit today anyway! Chilling with a butt plug right now (b/c honestly that’s become one of my favorite toys), and I managed to get into one of my favorite videos and have some fun a little earlier ^^ I guess that’s about all for day 2, I’ll probably get close a couple times before I go to bed to stay on top of things. 🙂 More updates to come. Probably not daily but at least highlights!

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Also I’m going to apologize right now to my irl friends that follow me. Because when I did Denial December back in 2014, none of my followers actually knew me from outside tumblr. Now there are several of you, and I usually don’t talk about this stuff. Sorry if it’s tmi but I’m excited so eeehhhh w/e ^^