I haven’t been properly tortured in months. Which is like, torture denial, which is a whole other level of torture but it’s not intentional and it sucks a lot more and makes me feel bad. But thinking of it in that light helps a little? Ugh I have needs. Been a masochist since I was a little kid, that’s not just going away and lately I haven’t had an outlet after getting used to having not only a outlet, by having a person around that was perfectly suited to my flavor of masochism. Gah.