Pretty girl: hi
Me: hey
Inner me: please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay please be gay
Chats
2010 me: who are you?
2017 me: i’m you but i’m, like, super messed up, dude
BDSM
Chatme: yeah i’m into bdsm but i like to keep it safe and consensual!
them: don’t you mean safe, sane, and consensual?
me: …
me: like i was saying, keep it safe and consensual!
someone: you sure that’s a wise decision?
me, offended: i’ve never made a wise decision in my life & never will
someone: what’s up
me: i am not comfortable telling you what is happening in my life, how about you
parents: no boys at your sleepover
lesbian: 🙂
person: why are you dressed so nice today?
me: i am distressed by the fact my mind and soul inhabit a physical body. i accessorize, clothe and ornament this fleshy encasement in an attempt to cope with my visceral despair in reaction to inescapable confinement in a corporal form
me @ every straight couple w/ a family on TV: 80% of your problems could be solved by having an honest, patient conversation with each other oh my god have you literally never communicated in your life??? why are you married? how did u have 2.5 kids together without discussing your feelings literally ever?????????
monster asks!!!
ChatVampire: Someone offers you a chance at immortality. Do you take it, and why or why not?
Werewolf: If you had to spend your life with just one person, who would it be?
Witch: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
Ghost: Do you have any regrets?
Frankenstein: Is someone telling you how to live your life, or are you an independent person?
Mummy: If you were to fall into an eternal sleep, do you think anyone would miss you?
Zombie: Do you miss anyone right now?
Faerie: If you could get away with anything, what would you do?
Nymph: What are you like when you’re by yourself?
Mermaid: How far would you go to keep the one you love?
Shapeshifter: What would you change about yourself?
Banshee: If you knew one of your loved ones/best friends had only one day left to live, how would you spend that last day with them?
Siren: If you could make anyone do anything, what would you make them do?
Genie: If you had one wish that would come true and couldn’t be reversed, what would you ask for?
Fury: What is a word/phrase that you dread to hear?
Incubus: What would someone have to do to get in your pants?
Succubus: What’s one thing you can’t live without?
Someone: what u want for Xmas?
Me: *thinks of my 3 mile long list of sex toys*
Me: ya know…socks are always nice..