*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I’ve had enough. Why haven’t you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh…well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can’t consider you for employment if you’ve never filled out an application.
Man: No, that’s bullshit, because I’ve been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn’t-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn’t have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn’t indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you’ve never filled out an application, we can’t consider you. Besides, we’re not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won’t consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you’ve been looking for workers to fill positions? That’s insane!
Employee: Sir, we’ve been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: …Well sir, that’s what we’re looking for. You won’t be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that’s such a load of crap. You know, you’ll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don’t lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I’m willing to work here, that’s all that should matter to you.
Employee: That…doesn’t make any sense.
Man: NO! I’m done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Employee:
Man:
Employee:
Man: Fuck you, slut.

You: I sometimes look at a person and abruptly have a strong urge to have sex with them
Me, a very confused asexual: Okay…that sounds totally fake but okay

me: has anxiety over work i haven’t done
me: has internal breakdown instead of doing work

me: sorry I’m taken
*loud dragon roar in the distance*
me: oh, there’s my boyfriend 🙂

someone: ew how can someone be into that
me: [sweating] ha ha [sweating profusely] right [sweat cascading from every pore on my body] what’s wrong with people [is swept away by a sweat tsunami]

someone: what r u doing
me: avoiding
someone: avoiding what
me: everything

Aries:too cute
Taurus:hella cute wtf
Gemini:cute af
Cancer:goddamn u r cute
Leo:beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure
Virgo:so cute it hurts
Libra:stop the cute 2k15
Scorpio:look at how cute u r
Sagittarius:shit thats a lot of cute
Capricorn:omg cute
Aquarius:damn son u cute
Pisces:ur too cute. stop

Me: Oh you wouldn’t want to know my kinks, they’re pretty weird.
Female friend: Oh I doubt that, I’m extremely kinky!
Me: Oh? What are yours?
Friend: I like neck biting, spanking, choking…
Me: Oh that’s not nearly… oh my sweet summer child.

friend: i’m here for you if you ever need me!
me: *needs friend*
me: i probably shouldn’t bother them