kristabiscuit:

whatever-fangirl:

hiilikedragons:

So many things just got put on hold to answer this. There’s flour on my keyboard now.

First things first, I appreciate you asking off anon and in a semi-polite manner. If I get a little testy during this reply, it’s not personal. I certainly have never been offended by you, and I hope the things I post don’t drive you off. Though if it does, I’m not going to apologize. Because secondly, I don’t hate guys. I reblog a lot of jokes about boys, and I go on quite a few feminist rants, but it’s not because I hate guys. It’s because I’m angry.

I’ll tell you what I do hate, dear friend. 

I hate that when I was ten years old, a teenage boy cornered me on my bed, kissed me against my will, and touched my body without my consent. I hate the way it made me feel, hate how I was so embarrassed I didn’t tell my parents until I was sixteen. I hate that to this day his family is close to ours and I can never hear his name without tensing up. But what I really hate is that almost 250 thousand people are sexually assaulted every year and usually about 9/10 of them are women. 

I hate that I have to carry pepper spray on my keys to feel safe at night. I hate that I check the back of my car every time before I get in it. I hate that I learned in middle school to hold keys like claws in my hand in case someone grabs me. I hate that until I was an adult, my parents wouldn’t let me go to Walmart alone if it was after dark. And I hate that it is an understood fact in our culture (in most cultures) that women walking the street at night are in danger, and yet when something happens she’s the one at fault for walking alone. 

But most of that’s not guys our age, right? Sure, let’s go with the idea that most of these attacks are carried out by men 25 and older. 

I hate that little girls are told to cross their legs, and that little boys aren’t told “don’t look up girls’ skirts”. I hate that when boys push, tease, hurt little girls, people say, “It’s because he likes you!” I hate that we’re told “Boys will be boys”, and that those boys aren’t held accountable for their actions because of it. We are living in a culture that caters to your sex and criticizes mine. 

I hate that “let’s play twenty questions” has become “let me ask you about your sexual history”. I hate that “so what would you be doing if I was there?” has become a common sort of pick up line that insinuates that if there was any hot blooded male within ten feet of me, I’d be so distracted that I’d have to engage in sexual congress with said male. I hate that after one text conversation with a guy, I get half-naked pics. I hate that chat roulette is more dicks than conversations. I hate that the “friend zone” is a thing, that there’s this kind of imaginary Valhalla for “nice guys” that receive friendship as some sort of consolation prize for treating women like human beings. Especially when a lot of these “nice guys” turn into violent, hateful human beings the minute you turn them down. Like the boyfriend I broke up with in middle school— middle school— that said he was fine and then turned around and told the whole school I was having sex behind the building with some other guy. That followed me through my high school career. I got told “locker room stories” about myself because one fuckboy’s ego got bruised. People invented a long list of people that I’d fucked before I’d even had sex.

But that’s just guys I’m not having sex with. Let’s get into the ones I have messed around with!

I hate that I gave my virginity to a guy who said he loved me and then dumped me a week later. I hate that I gave my virginity up in the back of a car because he didn’t want anyone to know about me and I thought that was okay.  I hate that I went to my senior prom with out a date because he told me he couldn’t stand me going with anyone but him— and then he took another girl. I also hate that I started looking for affection with my clothes off, because hey— if I blow him, he calls me beautiful and amazing and gorgeous. I hate that I drove home bleeding from a hook up with a guy because he didn’t listen to me when I said I was uncomfortable. I hate that it took the fourth guy I ever had sex with to fuck in a position where I wasn’t on top doing all of the work. That it was the fourth guy who “returned the favor”. And that it was the fourth guy who actually gave a rat’s ass whether or not I was receiving any pleasure whatsoever. Because women aren’t just expected to respond to weak texting game with instant horniness. Women aren’t just guilted into helping guys with their blue balls. Women aren’t just pressured into sex even after they say no with pitiful faces and “if you loved me”s and “just for a second”s. Women are sex objects to fuckboys. We get used and then thrown away. 

But the double standards go on!

I hate that women are expected to be clean shaven and lovely at all times, while some dudes throw an absolute hissy if you tell him you’re not going down until he’s shaved. I hate that as females, we’re supposed to treasure our bodies and our virginities, but dudes are encouraged to lose theirs early (nudge-nudge, wink-wink, atta-boy, go get ‘em) and fuck around often. I hate that girls in movies are expected to be tight, toned and beautiful, but guys can get the hot blonde at the end simply by being funny or saving the day. I hate that girls who complain about small dicks are “size queens” but guys call pussies loose on the regular, even though vaginas are muscles that don’t get loose. I hate that you’re a prude or a bitch if you don’t swallow, but a girl’s pushy or still a bitch if she asks her man to eat her. I hate that I’ve listened to jokes about guys getting cum in a girl’s eye and watching her cry and then to guys making jokes about girls who don’t do oral. I hate that women feel so obligated to see to a man’s pleasure that she’ll forfeit her own. I hate that a friend told the guy I was interested in that I “sleep around” when I’ve had sex with four guys, but there’s no stigma for a guy who’s slept with twice that many. I hate that faking orgasms is a thing— a thing I did— because instead of teaching men how to pleasure us, we’d rather cushion their egos and do the fake moaning, the biting lips, the oh my gosh you’re so big. It’s easier that way. It’s safer that way. 

So basically, I don’t hate guys. I have tons of guys that I love hanging out with, and I will drool over Chris Pratt with the best of them. It’s not men that I hate. I hate the experiences I’ve had with guys. I hate that I feel unsafe, uncomfortable, and unsatisfied on a regular basis because of guys. And my experiences are not limited to me. This is shit that’s happening every day, to ten year old girls and to twenty-one year old women. The jokes I reblog about boys wouldn’t be so popular, wouldn’t have so many notes if this wasn’t a problem. This is the culture we live in, and it’s unfortunate that there’s a lot of great guys out there who get their feelings hurt over fuckboy jokes because so many other men have screwed women over. But it’s more unfortunate that people don’t understand why we make jokes and why we say we hate men. Because we are told a thousand times a day in a thousand different ways that we’re supposed to be the ideal manic pixie girl, sweet and loving fifties housewife, lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets perfect woman and never speak out against stuff like this, no matter how much we’re mistreated. I’m not a man-hater. I’m angry.

Holy shit, that was worth reading!! EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS

I’ll just leave this here

This honest to god may be the most articulate, well put, important thing I have ever read. I don’t have words to explain how amazing and comprehensive this answer is regarding one of the biggest problems in our society. Definitely worth reading.