This still surprises me. I know it shouldn’t. I don’t cry easily, apart from when I’m submitting when I seem to burst into tears at the slightest disappointment (something to do with vulnerability, I guess?), but the result is when I do cry outside of kink situations, people jump to console me.
When I cry in scene, he strokes my cheek, tells me I’m hot, and continues to be a cruel bastard. I should be used to this by now but it shocks me anew every time.
There was a moment yesterday when I thought, rather hopefully, that my tears might move him to relent, to be kinder. They didn’t, of course. I got a little cuddle, but no reprieve. And I found, along with the insulted surprise, I was hit by a massive wave of relief. Isn’t it nice to be able to cry but not ruin everything? Isn’t it nice that when even my brain is struggling to accept what I want, to the extent that I’m throwing a tantrum, he still knows?
