Part of the problem comes when seek to put limits on things that may go beyond our understanding, or ability to understand. Love might be one of these things. It’s so hard to understand what love is, what love is not, and the word itself is practically an invitation to confusion.
I think love and how we love says as much about us as the one we love. The person rushing into one deep love after another is certainly seeking to fill a void; the person who cannot love has some hurt that has hardened her in some way; the person who loves even when it is hard to love has some beauty and kindness in her heart.
Love changes. I think if there’s one huge misconception about love, it’s the Hollywood idea of love eternal and undying. Nothing in our experience is unchanging, and, if there is something unchanging, then our understanding of the thing and our relationship to that thing changes throughout our lives. We are always changing, and our loves will change. You will not feel the same, all the time. I think there is a kind of love that calls for action and commitment, and, in this kind of love, you cannot trust your feelings. Love, in a very real sense, is commitment, and perhaps there is not such a difference between how we love a dear friend, a child, a pet, or a lover.
Maybe we confuse love with lust, and perhaps it would be better if we could tease those apart. Much of the drama of our lives comes from this misunderstanding, but this is more a problem in English than in some other languages. Imagine the reaction of someone first encountering the language: “You don’t have a different word for how you really like food, how a parent feels about a child, and you use the same word to describe how you feel about someone you would like to have touch your genitals?“ That person could be forgiven if she thought us very poor and badly in need of some additional words. Meaning is a problem.
Love hurts. It requires vulnerability and trust, and you will sometimes find, looking back, that trust was not wisely given. You will love someone who hurts you. Love will change you, and not always in good ways. You will love someone who crushes you, but love you must. The alternative is a seasonless shadow-world.
Yes, love is real and it is worthy of your pain and suffering. It is probably not what you think it is, and a significant portion of the rest of your days will probably be devoted to seeking an understanding of love.
We are human. We love. It is what we do, and it is what we are.
This is honestly so fantastic and beautiful.