One of the things that held me back from actively exploring BDSM and kink for years is that I didn’t see it portrayed in a way that appealed to me, or spoke to my tastes and desires. All of my early exposure was the typical black leather, serious dom, slave style submission. It didn’t resonate with me, I didn’t see myself in it. And then I found tumblr and was exposed to a lot more content that was made by women or curated by women, a ton more queer content, a fuckload more feminist content, personal narratives that showed kink in real life contexts rather than on porn sets or fancy photoshoots. Through those avenues I started to find other bratty submissives and little submissives, play pets and do-it-yourselfers, lady doms and femme daddies and gender queer tops and bottoms. I learned more about versatility and fluidity, spectrums and authenticity. I found kink aesthetics and dynamics that suited me, that felt right, that appealed to my senses. I found porn that turned me on and made me excited. I learned that a dynamic is whatever you build between you and your partner(s).
As long as there is consent there’s no wrong way to do it. It doesn’t have to be the polished demure face you see in black lingerie and serious faces, it can be messy and cute and loud and varied and queer as fuck. There can be boatloads of laughter. It can be whatever feels good for you. My cuffs are pink and my flogger is white and sometimes I’m a naive little bunny girl and sometimes I’m a Pretty mean Daddy, but either way I can guarantee you that my hair is messy and I smile. And my kink fits me, and I’ve found partners who it fits as well, and we figure it out as we go and build on the parts that feel right until we have something that we love and can’t get enough of. Do it your way, make it your own, grow and learn and change when it feels good. Your sexuality is as unique as your fingerprint.
this is so important
white ppl think it’s really funny to tell you you aren’t black because they have this idea of what blackness is in their heads and like somehow your experiences negate you from subscribing to their understanding of blackness. think about the kind of privilege you need to have in order to think you have the authority to NEGATE SOMEONES RACE AND ARBITRARILY EXCLUDE THEM FROM THEIR OWN GROUP just cause you say so!!! I’m going to scream!!!
happens with latinx too… while I understand my privilege as a light skinned latina my culture has been white washed my whole life and now I have to rediscover it for myself and I have had people have say shit like “but you aren’t really latina” or “yeah but you don’t seem hispanic though so its ok” cause I don’t fit some stereotype :/ My mums awful white family made my dad ashamed of his heritage so much that he didn’t teach his kids much spanish, even changed his name to Alex for like 20 years cause they were uncomfortable saying Alejandro, never was allowed to speak spanish around them, was told to wait in the car instead of coming into the house because he wasn’t welcome, constantly sent emails by them telling him to go ‘back to his country’, was verbally abused constantly ….the white part of my family systematically destroyed his sense of cultural identity which then in turn excluded me from my heritage. So thats why I don’t find it funny when white people negate my ethnicity… if I don’t seem Latina enough for your stereotype, just remember that it was white people who did that to me. They’re Imperialistic even on a personal level … fuck
^^ I feel so so much. I am only just now rediscovering my Salvadoran roots and I am pretty much on my own since my white mom does not care and my Salvi dad and gma are pretty ashamed of where they came from.
experiences like this are so important for us to share. this is why community is so vital to survival.
the reason oppressed groups say “___ are awful” instead of “some ___ are awful” is because including the word “some” allows individuals of that group to detach themselves from the problem and shuck the blame off and say “well they arent really talking about me so i can ignore their opinions”, whereas stating that an entire group of oppressors is awful makes the individual think whether or not theyre included in the awfulness of that group and makes them consider their actions so thats why people say “men are awful” or “white people are awful” and if you take it personally you’re getting angry at the wrong people
#if you take it personally you’re probably part of the problem