Treating me like a resource first and a person second is an easy way to get pushed away. Gotta protect my energy.
this
I’ve been fairly frustrated by the alienating whiteness of kink, and the many ways that, even in spaces explicitly committed to consent, racial oppression continues on.
That said, in its best moments kink has been an opportunity to embrace my vulnerability and experience the support from which black women are often discouraged. Negotiating and participating in scenes has offered me deeply expressive moments to explore and communicate my strength, my skills, my softness, and my own selfhood from a multitude of axes.
BDSM has helped me develop a voice I didn’t know I was allowed. Other kinksters of color have helped me feel more secure in it.
could you please explain how the safeword traffic system works?? i really cant wrap my head around it
StandardSure.
Red means stop. No more negotiation, something has crossed a line (too painful, something bad that wasn’t negotiated, etc.)
Yellow means that you need a break or that something is too much, or that if the top continues then you’re going to “red” soon.
Green means that things are going well and you want to continue if not ramp it up a little.
While a bottom might blurt out red or yellow, I’ve never seen a bottom volunteer “green”. It’s usually said in answer to when a top is checking in to make sure everything is okay. Asking “How are you?” and getting an answer of “fine” or “okay” might mean the bottom is just on autopilot and reflexively answering. Asking “What’s your color?” and getting “green” or “I was very close to yellow when you stopped” is much better.
One of my favorite doms to watch at parties was doing a pre-scene negotiation with someone he hadn’t played with before and said something like “Now, just between you and me here 😉 , my favorite color is yellow. It’s not about taking anything I can dish out. I promise you, I can always go harder. I want to know how you’re doing. I’ll likely yellow you, on purpose, a few times, just to find out where your limits are and then aim for a little below that. I don’t want to hear ‘green green green, green green red’ because then the scene’s over. I want some indication of how you’re doing and when you’re getting close to what you can handle, okay?”
And then, whenever she yellowed, he praised her. And why wouldn’t he?? She gave him vital information that allowed the both of them to have more fun!
This is such a fantastic answer and also I’m completely turned on by that kind of negotiation. It makes me feel safe (both as a dominant or a submissive) which helps me relax and enjoy myself. I like giving options when I’m topping. If I’m concerned at all that someone isn’t enjoying themselves or needs a break and is trying to be a tough cookie, I give them an easy out that doesn’t involve much over-thinking. “Should we stop for some water or should I spank you some more?” “Should I fuck you until you cum or does this little pussy need a break?” “Can I take a picture or should I just keep this cuteness all for me?” While I encourage anyone in a D/s relationship to practice speaking up for their needs as much as possible, I also recognize that for people-pleasing personalities in particular it can be helpful when someone puts the “no” on the table first.
Kink negotiation and communication has honestly changed who I am as a person. Everything said above is superb, and I think we should all take a second to marvel at the ways that consent-based culture (and its clear protocols) can help you achieve wildly intense moments of ecstasy and potentially explore previously untapped parts of yourself.
Be picky about vibes. Be picky about the energy you surround yourself with. You owe yourself that much
White people will never understand how draining it is to be the only PoC in a room full of whiteness.
We never think you using AAVE is cute, funny or hip. Please stop.
No, you don’t need to talk about the Blackest thing you can think of to have a conversation with me.
No, I don’t want to talk about the problems with the Black community with you. Please stop assuming I’m going to agree with you or want to talk against Black people if and when and because I am using American English.
No, I won’t teach you that new dance.
Yes, we do tend to change our hair frequently. Don’t need to remind me I changed again.
No, I don’t want to be your Black perspective today.
Please stop it. I don’t think my culture is funny. Please stop inviting me to your jokes about it.
I am hyper aware of my Blackness in a room full of white people. You do not have to remind me. You do not have to remind me. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REMIND ME.
The problem comes from people whose opinions are actually misconceptions. If you think vaccines cause autism you are expressing something factually wrong, not an opinion. The fact that you may still believe that vaccines cause autism does not move your misconception into the realm of valid opinion. Nor does the fact that many other share this opinion give it any more validity…
You can be wrong or ignorant. It will happen. Reality does not care about your feelings. Education does not exist to persecute you. The misinformed are not an ethnic minority being oppressed. What’s that? Planned Parenthood is chopping up dead babies and selling them for phat cash? No, that’s not what actually happened. No, it’s not your opinion. You’re just wrong.
Yes, Your Opinion Can Be Wrong | Houston Press
This whole article.
Education does not exist to persecute you. (via witch-boots)
This article is so important. (via natureofdust)
Where does the desire to be used come from?
If it from a fear of disappointing someone?
Is it from an intense desire to please?
Perhaps it is simply to free you from guilt.
Are you scared of your own desires?
Do you want someone to simply take over,
to use you as an object?
Because, as you well know, objects cannot be blamed.
If you are used for the most perverse things imaginable,
you can’t be blamed, as you are nothing but an object,
being used for the perverse pleasure of others…
“some people dont think [unattractive british actor] is hot???
well
[image of unattractive british actor]
does
[image of unattractive british actor]
this
[image of unattractive british actor]
change
[image of unattractive british actor]
your
[image of unattractive british actor]
mind?”
[3 more images of unattractive british actor]
no it actually doesnt he still looks like a shoe
I would probably cry.
(so naturally I want to try this)There was this time in January when I was over at Pup’s and Saltine was there. He was domming the two of us. He was fucking Saltine and, because he was a jerk, Pup had put an entire pillowcase over my head. (Hey guys, be careful with this. I could still breathe but like maybe don’t just try this.)
Beside me, I could feel Pup shaking the bed with his thrusts. Saltine was whining softly, and Pup had reached over and grabbed my hand, moving it between my legs. “Get wet for me, you’re next,” he’d said, although I clearly already was.
By the time he entered me, I was already really close from rubbing my clit and listening to them fuck. I came almost embarrassingly fast, but Pup kept going despite my protests that I was sensitive from my orgasm. He had Saltine hold me in place for him, and I found I wasn’t able to push her off.
“I want to fuck her like that,” Saltine told Pup. “I want to make her cry like that.” It almost pushed me over, just hearing that, I almost came again.