littlesubshay:

Ever since I wrote that story earlier today one of the only things that I’ve been able to think about are ruined orgasms. I’m at just over 5 months of denial right now, with not even a single ruin in that time.

I’ve had this fantasy for a really long time of being broken by denial, of being kept denied until I need an orgasm so badly that I’m crying and I can’t function. Then, because I’m a total masochist, the dream is that I’d be given a forced orgasm session that was so intense I’d end up begging to be put back in denial. That those were the only options for a tease toy like me, unending relentless denial, or orgasming their brain out in between their legs. The only problem with the fantasy is that I handle denial really, really well. 5 months in and I don’t have an overwhelming desire to orgasm. I want Sir to continue denying me. Last night Sir threatened to not let me cum for the rest of the year and it was a major turn-on. I can’t help but get so aroused at the idea of Sir keeping me as his denied toy for at least a year or longer. For Sir to use my ability to handle denial well against me, telling me that he isn’t going to let me cum again until he is convinced beyond any doubt of how badly I need it. That thought makes me moan and squirm just thinking about it.

I keep thinking of what Sir can do to make the denial worse. To help me be properly overwhelmed with need as a tease toy should be. I keep thinking that a day or week of forced ruined orgasms would drive me completely up the wall. When I used to be allowed to cum sometimes being given a single orgasm wasn’t a reward, it just made the denial so much worse, there would be a little bit of satisfaction, but mostly it would just make me ache and need even more desperately than I had before. The little experience I’ve had with ruins is that they are even worse. After a ruin I wake up in the middle of the night humping my mattress, clit pulsing, so desperate for even the least bit of stimulation. I can imagine that ruin after ruin would cause me to be desperate beyond words. The thought of Sir instituting a regular schedule of ruins makes his pussy drip. The thought of knowing that a ruin was looming, looking forward to it, dreading and needing the sharp increase in desperation and arousal it would bring with it.

Another use for ruins could be to punctuate periods of no touch. Sir could disallow any touch for a few days and get me all riled up and desperate, then using his hypno controls make me have one or several ruined orgasms, without touching, and continue to leave me unable to touch. Enjoying himself immensely as I beg and plead to be permitted to do anything to ease the desperate ache. Giving him plenty of time to mold me into the tease toy that he’d like me to be for him. Getting me to beg for any opportunity to make it worse. Allowing him to develop the habits that he’d like to see in his toy. The best part of all of it being that it is a game that I can never win. No matter how much I’m willing to trade away, how much of my mind I’m willing to open to Sir, I’m trading it all for the chance to make the ache even worse. Not even begging to cum anymore, begging to suffer and be tortured by Sir. Begging for Sir to make me the most desperate and needy toy that he can. Needing nothing more than to be reduced to a mindless aching toy ready to serve.