Growing up, I was the ugly freak girl. I had long black hair that I hid behind, and for a long time, I would wear multiple layers in the summer. My mom would ask why I was wearing a big black hoodie in the dead of summer, and I’d tell her it was because I wasn’t really hot. It was a lie. I hated myself, and the way I looked. In 6th grade, we submitted our baby photos for the year book, and I overheard a girl say to her friend, “Aw, [Espi] used to be so cute! What happened!” I was compared to every horror movie character under the sun. I was even called “Gothika” by a group of boys, which didn’t make much sense, but they thought it was very clever.
Then I started waking up getting tired of hating myself. Towards the end of high school, I decided I just wouldn’t anymore. I started looking in the mirror every morning and pointing out what I loved, instead of what I hated. And I still do that. I started taking lots of pictures of myself. The selfie was a huge step towards self-love. I realized that as long as I acted confident, I would become confident, and it worked!
Now I love how I look, and can’t believe I was so blind to it all those years. Every freckle, my huge eyes, my stick-thin wrists, have all become parts of myself I’ve learned to love. It took a lot more time to go to the mirror and point out what I thought were flaws and turn them into things I love, but I’m happier in my appearance now than ever, and I feel truly blessed to be born into this body. I wouldn’t change it for the world. x
This story sort of really hits home with me. I notice a lot of similarities in our formative years and our coping mechanisms. And this write-up is so perfect I don’t have much to add but my personal support.
I think you’re beautiful. Absolutely stunning. (and considering my cat just jumped up on my lap and is laying on my arm and staring at your photo while I finish typing this one handed, I believe she concurs). Keep up your positive outlook, keep the selfie game strong. And keep on being you. <3
This is a great story.
