self-care

A short list of mantras for Women of Color

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gabbiegabstoomuch:

So tumblr user mcharrilennostarr asked me to come up with a list of things to help empower women of color. I took a bit of time to think about it and here’s what I came up with.

  1. I will hold my head high when people expect me to be looking down at my shoes
  2. I do not exist within the confines of your stereotypes
  3. I will fight against the status quo when the status quo alienates me
  4. I will not smile when I do not want to smile
  5. My body is mine and only mine If I share it with you that is a privilege and not a right
  6. I do not exist as your sexual fantasy
  7. I will recognize that those in power will never give me the tools I need to overthrow them. I will find those tools myself.
  8. I will not be your caretaker. Your mother, your mammy, your nanny. You will need to learn to take care of yourself.
  9. I will take care of myself first
  10. I will not listen when I’m told white people and men are more intelligent than I am. They aren’t and I’ll prove it.
  11. When I am tired I will say I’m tired. When I am sad I will say I’m sad. When I am weak I will say I’m weak.
  12. I will love who I want to love
  13. I will laugh in the face of my oppressors when they try to tell me it is me who is oppressing them by daring to speak out against them
  14. Sometimes I may be the damsel in distress. That is a right that I am entitled to. Sometimes I will cry for assistance and expect to be helped. 
  15. I will abandon eurocentric beauty ideals
  16. I am not your one-night-exotic-stand. You say you’re feeling feverish over me? I hope the illness kills you. 
  17. I will not submit to you because you do not own me
  18. I can be feminine if I want to. I can dress how I want to. 
  19. I am always on the team that protects and empowers women of color
  20. Decolonization is a daily struggle. When I feel like I am drowning I will reach out for help from my sisters. When I feel as though I can no longer stand I will ask for a shoulder to lean on. I know that I am not alone. There are millions of women who are standing with me.

Please add to the list if you think of more!

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isozyme:

here’s the deal with self care, for me:

pleasure, in the fun late-capitalism hellhole of present-day america, is treated like a luxury.  it’s expensive.  it’s frivolous.  it’s guilty.  if we want to eat ice cream out of the carton and be socially acceptable at the same time, we’d better have earned that ice cream.  maybe by like running a marathon or getting dumped by an asshole.  if we’re going to duck into the corner store and buy fresh flowers, it’s because we’ve had a hard week, not because flowers are nice.  we can take a day off work, but only if we’re sick.  we have to suffer before we’re allowed extra kindness.

in this equation pleasure is optional (irresponsible, even), except when it’s a balm for suffering.

however!  we need pleasure to live.  a life without nice feelings in it is like a diet with no vitamins in it.  it’ll make you sick and eventually it’ll kill you.  we know this because people with depression stop feeling pleasure, and they often kill themselves.  left untreated, depression is a fatal disease.

pleasure is not optional.  pleasure is not a luxury.  without it, we die.  that is literally the opposite of a luxury.

because pleasure is treated like a luxury, and priced accordingly, it is fucking hard to get.  it’s hard to take time to relax and see loved ones when corporations aren’t required to offer paid vacation.  it’s hard to buy that special face scrub or art print or pretty yarn when it costs $35 and student loans are breathing down your neck.  so pleasure gets saved up for when things are really bad.  pleasure gets budgeted.  pleasure, once again, becomes something we have to earn by abstaining and hurting and gritting our teeth.

do this to people long enough and pleasure becomes potently associated with guilt.  this thing we need desperately to stay alive is suddenly something we can’t seek out without looking over our shoulder and wondering if we’re allowed to have it.

that’s why it’s so important that we talk about self care, and tell ourselves and each other that it is okay to do things that feel good.  it is necessary to do things that feel good.  we have to uncouple suffering and pleasure, because the idea that we have to earn feeling good by first feeling bad is monstrous and wrong.

take care of yourselves, darlings.  don’t feel bad about it.

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bunnyandfawn:

and drawing/coloring 30 ideas for self care can also be considered self care.

good things to tell yourself everyday

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useyourmelody-deactivated201503:

❁ i am worthy
❁ i am more than my appearance
❁ i am loved
❁ i am cared for
❁ i am strong
❁ i am beautiful
❁ i am a good person
❁ i am allowed to get rid of the toxic people in my life
❁ my body does not define me
❁ i deserve respect
❁ i deserve good things
❁ i do not need to justify my actions
❁ and most importantly, i can get through anything.

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Learn to celebrate your existence without qualifying and excusing all the things you wish you could change.
Look into the mirror without pulling out all the things you hate from inside of you.
Picking them apart.
Measuring them.
Causing them to expand and then constricting them when they do.
You’ve lived for too long in a world of mixed signals and contradictory expectations.
Realise that you are not made of clay and you were never meant to simply fill the cracks and spaces in and between those around you.
Look at the fact that your Self has prevailed despite all the times you’ve tried to change it and realise that this is not failure but proof of your resilience.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

This is what self care looks like today. (via olivialaurel)

Nice Things To Do For Youself

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positiveglittertruth:

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noivern:

self care is valid and good, but at some point you gotta step back and check that you’re actually truly caring for yourself, which sometimes means bullying yourself into getting up and getting air and light, and eating healthy, and doing the things you dont really want to do but you know are good for you. sometimes taking naps and letting yourself off are the best options to be good to yourself, but sometimes theyre not, and you should be careful about it.

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Learn to put on your bracelets and zip up your dresses by yourself. There will be times when you will be alone.
Get on a long plane ride. Look out the window. Understand the immensity of our world. Understand your insignificance. Understand your absolute importance.
Press the send button. If you don’t say it now, you never will.
Do not sneer at happiness or roll your eyes at sadness. Be aware that apathy is not healthy.
You are more than the amount of people who want to have sex with you.
That pit in your stomach when he doesn’t text you back, it shouldn’t be there. No one should be able to control you like that.
Shopping is cathartic. Buy the shoes and deal with one-ply toilet paper for a while.
It will get better, but it will never be perfect. Learn to live through the small moments of happiness. When they disappear, remember they will resurface.
I promise that cookie will not change anything (except that it will make you smile).
Please, please, take care of yourself. You are everything to somebody. You are everything to your self. That alone is enough.

things to remember (via bl-ossomed)