I have ZERO interest in being the “cool girlfriend.” I am a cool girlfriend, that’s why you’re dating me. I’m not gonna pretend to love football, or drink beer with you or dress down to impress your boys or whatever. I do not care. And I don’t care if you’re into fashion though if I’m dating you, you most likely are, anyway. We’re grown ass people, we don’t need to have 100% of the same interests, we can do shit alone or with our friends and we sure as hell don’t need to be faking something just to impress the other.
relationships
Some feel genuine, maddening, stinging jealousy when their lovers are with other partners. One woman says she feels physically sick, another sees tunnel vision, and a third loses control so much she feels like “other people are driving the bus and I’m not even close to the wheel.” They flinch when their lovers have sex with someone too similar to themselves, or writhe with discomfort when they feel their power in a relationship threatened. And yet, these women stand by their non-monogamous lives.
Niko Bell, “How polyamorous queer women really cope with jealousy” (via herdirtylittleheart)
To love someone is to show to them their beauty, their worth and their importance.
Jean Vanier (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Relationships that I want to see more of in fiction
StandardNon-romantic sexual partnerships that are portrayed as healthy, meaningful and committed.
Romantic non-sexual partnerships in which the lack of sex isn’t a cause of angst or tension.
Platonic, non-sexual partnerships that are put on the same level as committed romantic partnerships.
Short-term relationships that are treated as happy and meaningful, and for which the end is considered a natural progression instead of a tragedy.
Polyamorous families and group marriages.
Love triangles that are resolved by polyamory instead of by competition and jealousy.
Healthy BDSM relationships in which communication, mutual respect and clear boundaries are shown to be just as important as the kinky stuff.
Non-BDSM relationships making use of safewords and other kinds of consent practices to manage intimacy.
Relationships in which the people explicitly talk about what kinds of touch they’re comfortable with and what they dislike.
Relationships that don’t involve any kind of physical contact, but are based on other kinds of intimacy and affection instead.
“Shallow” relationships that don’t involve commitment or intense closeness being treated as different, but equally valid and not inferior, compared to “deeper” relationships.
Stories in which a character’s relationship with themself is treated as more important than their connection to another person.
Relationships break-ups that are treated as good decisions instead of as miserable and melodramatic.
Relationships in which controlling, manipulative or abusive behavior is recognized for what it is instead of being romanticized, and the other characters shut that shit down.
Characters who get out of abusive relationships and rebuild their lives.
Married people who still act sweet, appreciative and funny to each other after being together for years, instead of taking each other for granted or fighting all the time.
Romance stories that explore what happens after people get married instead of ending as soon as the characters have sex/get together/get married.
Stories in which the hero rescues the damsel in distress, but they don’t become a couple, because the damsel already has a girlfriend, and the hero knows that saving a woman does not mean he’s entitled to have her.
Long-running close friendships between men and women, with no hint of sexual/romantic interest, ever.
Female+female platonic relationships that are treated as special and important in the same way “bromances” are.
Relationships between people of the same gender that all the characters treat as normal, and the plot doesn’t revolve around coming out or dealing with homophobia, and doesn’t end with one or both partners dying.
Relationships with trans and/or non-binary characters whose gender is acknowledged but isn’t treated as weird or as a source of drama.
Relationships with disabled characters who aren’t treated as “tragic,” “pitiable,” or “inspirational” because of their disabilities.
Different types of attraction: sexual, sensual, romantic, platonic, aesthetic.
Existential attraction: when you’re just really glad someone exists out there in the world and whether you get to try out the other attractions or not you hope they have good things forever.
Never stop learning about your partner. Never lose that wonder that made you want to get to know them initially because we are constantly growing as individuals.
‘get married soon,’ mother says.
‘it will be good for you. you’re getting old.
you need to have somebody with you.’
i ask her why why why, and it always
boils down to one word. partnership.
‘like the partnership between anjero and sugar.’
i tell her i dislike anjero, so she says
‘fish and chips. A marriage is fish and chips. you need
each other to fill your bellies well. it is a partnership’
if i ask her about love, she shakes her head with vigour.
‘i’m not talking about love. love ruins things.
a marriage is not made of love. but partners.’
so for once i listen to her, and i take a good look.
i look at the partnership
between my aunt’s bruised
cheek and her husband’s knuckles.
i gaze at the partnership between
my father’s no’s and my mother’s yes’s
and how his ‘no’ always has the last word.
i look at the partnership between
my grandmother’s loose cannon mouth
and the holes it leaves in my grandfather’s heart.
and finally I have an answer for my mother.
I tell her ‘I grieve for all the
people who have been told that a person chewing
on what their soul has to offer rather than kissing it,
is what a marriage is.
Salma Deera, Talking To My Mother About Marriage Partnerships (via thexpotent)
I like when someone becomes a part of your daily routine. It’s nice to talk to someone who wants to talk to you just as much without anything feeling forced.
20 “Soul-Building” Words for the Ones You Love
StandardWhen they need to know how much you love them:
* You make my day better.* You make my life better.
* I love spending time with you.
* Seeing your face makes me happy.
When they need to know you are ALL there:
* I’m listening.
* This time is all yours.
* How can I be a better _____ (parent, friend, spouse) to you?
* Nothing is more important than being with you right now.
When they are stressed or frustrated:
* How can I help?
* Take your time. You don’t have to rush.
* I think you are doing a tremendous job.
* Keep going. You got this.
When they experience failure:
* Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can.
* Mistakes mean you are bravely learning and growing.
* It may not be the outcome you hoped for, but I noticed your effort and it was quite remarkable.
* I believe in you.
When they face a challenge:
* I am amazed at how much you are handling right now.
* I am learning a lot from you by watching you do something so challenging.
* This isn’t over—there’s still time to turn this around.
* You are not alone.
The words “I love you” should never be underestimated, but every human being has a few words that make her soul come alive … that bring peace to his uncertain heart … that help them rise when they fall. Discover what those words are by watching—what makes her smile? What motivates him to keep trying? What adds a spring to his step? Commit those soul-building words to memory and say them as often as you can so that one day you are no longer needed to hear them.
This is so important.
why can’t friends be nude around each other
or take bubble baths together
or swim nude
or send nude selfies when they’re feeling confident
without it being weird
why must everything be sexualized
why can’t we just be comfortable in our own skin and leave it at that
normalize the human body goddammit
This is perfectly worded and I love it