he: it’s awesome. you have the soul of a gremlin, and the body of a beautiful woman.
he: it’s everything i ever wanted.
me and he
i am a forehead kiss hoe…. give me all the forehead kisses in the world. come on. i’m ready.
me, because he’s leaving the bed: i’m just an orgasm machine to you.
me: an orgasm machine that brings home a paycheck.
he: and a college degree.
he, in the voice of a commercial announcer: it graduated from an esteemed east coast ivy league university.
me: why don’t white people believe in lotion?
he: i don’t know. ashiness is the source of our power.
perfect partnership
Chathe: you should go out more.
me: are you gonna go with me?
he: yeah
me: where we gonna go?
he, voice dropping an octave: to the living room
my lil newsie
Chathe: i’m not extra. stop calling me extra.
he: …
he, pulling collar aside: i’m just gonna expose my neck like this, though.
he: …
he: i’m not being extra. i’m just being me.
he: i’m an extra boy.
he: extra, extra! read all about it!
he: *aggressively hums the nickelodeon jingle*
he: sing “hello” by adele
me: 🎵hello darkness my old friend🎶
he: no
me: 🎶hello / is it me you’re looking for?🎵
he: is that adele?
he: i really want that ass this morning.
me: why this morning as opposed to other morning? he: cuz i like the panties you’re wearing me: WHY?? he: they’ve got those scalloped edges. he: they’re a little smaller than usual. he: they have that nice modern design.he: i just wanna live under your ass forever like a rock crab.
he: that’s my natural habitat.
me, with my mouth on his dick: tell me about your penis
he: it’s a sad tale he: literally and figuratively