foxyshadow:

instructor144:

A PM from a Follower …

“What are some good questions to ask a prospective Dom to help spot the fakes and the predators?”

Great question. First principle: open ended questions. Second principle: let the prospect keep talking. Third principle: respond briefly (“Ah.” “I see.” that sort of thing). Fourth principle: if he keeps bringing the conversation back to sexual matters, that’s a big red flag.

Now, to some specific questions. How the prospect answers these questions will be telling.

Tell me about your journey as a Dom. (let him ramble)

What is the most fulfilling part of being a Dom? (you want to hear things like the responsibility for guiding and directing and shaping you, not “having you suck my dick”)

Tell me about your last sub. ( note whether he speaks well or ill of her, regardless of how it ended)

Why did your last sub leave you? (she may not have been the one to leave, but the question will throw him off balance)

Which of your exes can I contact as a reference? (any Dom with any lived experience is going to have at least one ex who can speak to his qualifications)

Tell me about your mentor. (mentors are hard to come by these days, but “self taught” is often “badly taught”)

Tell me what non-kink things you bring to a scene. (you want to hear first aid kit, scissors to deal with rope-play mishaps in a hurry, H2O, snacks for aftercare)

How do you handle a safeword situation when the sub doesn’t have the power of speech? (you’re looking for him to talk about things like “safe gestures” or similar signals)

What is your 1 month vision for our dynamic if we decide to go forward? (you’re looking for the establishment of basic daily structure, rules, tasks, protocols).

3 month vision? (you’re looking for things like him holding you accountable, possibly the beginnings of orgasm control, etc)

1 year vision? (if he doesn’t have a 1 year vision, he’s most likely just looking to get laid)

Tell me 5 non-sexual things you would incorporate into our dynamic to help me feel my submission and your dominance? (you’re looking for things like good morning/good night, check ins, possibly clothing and meal approval, that sort of thing)

Be cagey, vet thoroughly, and above all, trust your gut. Your brain is unreliable, and your subby desires will get you in all kinds of trouble, but your gut never lies.

Absolutely spot on stuff. As always, @instructor144 tells it like it is.