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Ladybae and I have started doing yoga regularly. Here’s why.

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Tonight I’m going to a play party to get beat up by hubs-to-be and flirt with a super-cute woman I’m dating.

We will file this under things I couldn’t imagine saying a year ago.

a mythical beast, part i

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Me: Ladybae, I am pure and chaste.
Ladybae: Mhm
Ladybae: Right
Ladybae: True
Me: Ladybae.
Me: I’m a virginal unicorn maiden.
Me: And don’t you forget it.
Ladybae: Switchette.
Ladybae, quoting a previous text I’d sent: “But they’d also just watched me pussy spank myself to orgasm under very generous lighting, so”
Ladybae: K.
Me: *is a down and dirty chimera of nastiness*

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I’m proud that I made time to do some self-aftercare last night. I ate well, drank water, journalled, stayed consciously aware of myself, and didn’t fill up too much of the evening with mindless activity.

This weekend, I played a lot. In ways that were new to me and in a location that is far away from my usual support network. I’m generally bad at taking care of myself in situations like this, but I managed. And I feel better and more capable for it.

Hair pulling rocks. (NEEHU6 Scene)

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Hair pulling rocks. (NEEHU6 Scene)

zanythoughts:

Later Friday after cooling off (marginally) from my scene with hypno-sandwich I encountered switchette. We’ve spoken a fair amount but we finally got around to playing. This woman is fucking amazing and she has such lovely reactions to having her beautiful teal and black dreads pulled.

When I…

So this is zanythoughts’s delicious (and super-sweet!) retelling of our scene a couple weekends ago. I have more to say about it, but first I need to read it over and over again and cover my mouth with my hand and look askance and think terribly naughty things and occasionally make noises – as is my wont.

I feel like I’ve been tagged in. I’m gonna have to start blogging now, somehow someway.

This blog is mine.

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So it appears I’ve whispered “switchette” three times while looking into a mirror and conjured several Real People (which is to say, people who know me in real life) to follow this blog.

And this is giving me a couple feelings that I want to address. Two feelings, to be precise.

  1. Vulnerability: This tumblr started out as a personal journey. Literally no one I knew was aware of it but me. I created a lot of posts and reblogs and comments that touch on my real and true and exploratory and secret self. I figured I would keep it secret forever and ever. 
  2. Pride: Apparently “forever and ever” is equivalent to approximately one year. Shortly after creating this blog, I got tired of imagining and started dipping my feet into the local kink community, and I’ve been at it like gangbusters since then. I went to an kink event this summer that changed me irrevocably; I started actively opening my quietly-poly relationship; I met and continue to meet really awesome people who push and support new parts of me; I started the process of learning to love my body; and guys, also: crop tops. (Crop tops are AMAZING!) I’m really proud of myself for taking the leap and becoming more like the tumblr bloggers whom I admire.

While sometimes knowing that I’m sharing perceived intimacies with people who know me gives me some shame (most often of the delicious variety that warms faces and wets panties), I generally forge on because this is my space.

I post dirty, pretty, mean, moist kinky things. I post gorgeous and inspiring people of color. I post a lot about racial and gender inequality and structural, institutional, and internalized oppression. I post about relationships. I post kink & sex ed. I post the occasional nerd reference, uplifting or commiserating quote, and absurd joke.

But most of all, I post for myself. Maintaining a safe space for me is of vital importance, and so I won’t waste any emotional energy defending my right to any of my posts or beliefs. Because here, I say what I want. For me, this is a space to experiment with what being wholly me might look like while I continue to evolve and to peel back the layers in other spaces in my life.

Thanks for being here with me.

And special thanks to thinkivykink, @herdirtylittleheart, and the ever-supportive ohokaybueno for modeling boldness and the adventure of selfhood before I was ready to.