herdirtylittleheart:

We we’re at a poly event and I was chatting with an acquaintance. He and his girlfriend have a girlfriend together, it’s a three-way relationship and he was telling me that since he’s had to start pleasing two women in bed his endurance has improved significantly. He detailed a moment where he made one of his girlfriends squirt while bringing the other to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it was clear from the grin on his face he was pleased with himself. “I can fuck for hours now, I have to take a break once in a while but a few months ago there’s no way I would have lasted, I just didn’t have the stamina.” We joked that this was yet another benefit of eschewing monogamy; you have no choice but to become way more skilled in bed.

“Is that the guy you’re seeing?” he asked when he saw

Rumi
talking with my husband at the bar. I nodded. “When you guys fuck is it threesomes or do you just see him alone for dates?” he asked. I explained that it was just for threesomes, that we all really enjoyed the enthusiastic dynamic we had together and it pushed everyone’s buttons. I told him about the amazing synchronicity we have and gushed about the time we had an exhibitionist three-way that ended in both of them cumming simultaneously in my mouth.

I could see it on his face, the shift. He was disgusted. “Jesus I can’t look you in the eye now.” I was taken aback, unsure of how this was any different from what he had shared with me about his own exploits. “I feel bad for your pride here,” he laughed, as if there was something I should be ashamed of.

What part made it unpalatable for him? The fact that the threesome was for my pleasure not theirs? The fact that it was my fantasy? The fact porn has taught him that men’s ejaculate is a tool for degradation? The fact that I liked it? The fact that I said it out loud?

He had just bragged about getting two girls off at once, what made it different?

I know so many men like this, so many of my friend’s boyfriends who hound them for a threesome with another girl but would be repulsed if they suggested one with two boys. Men with sexual agendas that involve making their partners feel bad for not putting out or getting on board with some fantasy that makes their cock hard, yet their enthusiasm disappears if their partners want to explore a fantasy for their own enjoyment that isn’t directly related to their dick. Men who project their own shitty stigmas and assumptions on female desire, men who are critical of their partners turn-ons, men who don’t understand the concept of foreplay. Men who lick a pussy just to get it wet enough so they can shove their cock inside, not because they want to bring good feelings to the girl on the other side. Men who feel threatened by vibrators yet can’t stomach a conversation about their wives unmet needs. Men who remind me the madonna/whore complex is alive and well because they say things like “I could never marry a girl I went to an orgy with” while they are at an orgy. Men who only kiss you when they want to fuck you. Men who jerk off to porn but have no respect for the women who explore their sexuality on that screen. Men who think sex equals penetration. Men who think sex is over when they cum. Men whose masculinities are as fragile as their egos. Men who leave their partners unsatisfied and un-thrilled. 

I have no fucking time for these men.

After a little more prodding the answer became clear; he was close minded and misogynistic. He was into women who were sexual for his benefit. I felt sorry for his girlfriends.

(via playhardfuckharder)

herdirtylittleheart:

“Baby, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your sexuality is powerful, that’s a magical thing. I’ve seen you exhaust two healthy strong men in their prime, I’ve seen you devour all of that sexual energy and still want more. You’re insatiable. It’s fucking astonishing to watch. Own that. Revel in that, it’s a gift.”

Cub said this to me years ago, I could feel my cheeks grow warm as tears stung my eyes. I had never heard such a positive affirmation. My sex drive had always been framed as excessive, abnormal, shameful… he validated my desire in a way that felt beautiful.

I find myself wanting things that are extreme and overwhelming. I love the way my brain feels when there is no room for anything other than the base electric erotic sensations pulsating through my body. I wear boys out and it feels fucking incredible.

A lifetime of being told women don’t think of sex as much, men are the ones who have these needs, men have higher sex drives, women don’t want these things, these are just male fantasies, men think of sex more often, women have more romantic fantasies where as men’s are explicit, men are never sexually satisfied, women fake headaches and throw them a bone once in a while, men are expected to flex their sexual prowess, women want to settle down, what’s wrong with you? What will people think? There are names for women like you.

I want to embrace my desire, to feed it and find out where oh where it’s limitations might be. I want to push into my ravenous want. I want to know how deep it goes. It feels bigger than me sometimes, but it doesn’t scare me anymore. Different bodies have different capabilities, different needs. I like my body and it’s voracious ambitions.

“I just feel like it’s not for me, two cocks is just excessive, it’s more than I can handle, you know?” I nodded. She had just had her first threesome with two boys. I understood what she was saying but I could not relate. “That’s the thing,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I feel like two cocks is my comfort zone. Every time I’m in that space it feels like yes, this is the level of ability I should be playing at. I feel competent and content managing this situation.” We both burst into laughter at our casual comparison. She knew it wasn’t a criticism, she happens to be a complete bad ass and does bdsm scenes that intimidate the fuck out of me. We all have our strengths, and knowing your strengths is a skill in itself. 

I don’t think everyone should fuck like me, but I don’t think anyone should feel ashamed if they do. And some days giving shame the big fuck you isn’t quite enough; I want to celebrate my sexuality.
I want to be proud of my imagination and boundaries and needs.
I want to honour my drive and my desires.
I want to revel in it.

Painting: Insatiable by Will Cotton
Words: Her Dirty Little Heart