about me
~sexy gremlin vibes~
Chathe: it’s awesome. you have the soul of a gremlin, and the body of a beautiful woman.
he: it’s everything i ever wanted.
January: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
February: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
March: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
April: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
May: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
June: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
July: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
August: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
September: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
October: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
November: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
December: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
How the Signs will surprise you
StandardAries: They’ll always be willing to defend those weaker than them, even when all of the odds are stacked against them or the situation is terrifying – They actually are dreamers – Can’t tell a lie: either they’re no good at it or are unwilling to ever do it – When in a crisis, they can cool a situation like no one else – Brave but not when it comes to physical pain (probably hasn’t gone to the dentist in years and will whine if you try to make them).
Taurus: Despite their calm and peaceful nature, once angry their rage is unlike anything else and you probably won’t see it coming – Even though they’re typically stoic and calm they can still brood and pout like nobody else – Though they’re down to earth they can be very materialistic – Steady and stoic Taurus can feel very shy about their body.
Gemini: If you need help, Gemini will be the first by your side – Sometimes their advice will be so dead-on or out of character that it’ll blow you away – Their bubbly, playful, and sometimes irresponsible attitude may make it surprising when they start talking about quarks, RNA and DNA, or even Shakespeare – They may be the smartest person you’ve ever met and probably are – They’re awesome with kids and know how to talk to them.
Cancer: They can be silly, funny,the life of the party – They are actually pretty pessimistic – They’ll nearly bite your head off out of nowhere, even just asking a simple question, if they are feeling “crabby” – They are so expressive and good at communicating you’ll almost experience their feelings with them, even if you’re the most detached person alive – Friend, sibling, parent, no matter how they’re related to you they’ll hug you and kiss you, which may shock a friend or two – They can order around even the most stubborn people (Cancer is the Matriarch of the Zodiac for a reason).
Leo: They are remarkably generous to the point of self-sacrifice, they’ll give you a hundred bucks no questions asked – Despite their boldness and outgoing nature, deep down they often doubt themselves and feel insecure – They are remarkably romantic – They actually love to teach others in some way – Their optimism and faith are very beautiful – They can’t stand to feel weak and may hurt themselves by not going to the doctor when they need to.
Virgo: They can actually be a little vain – They are very good actors (and will use this to get out of going to that party you’re throwing) – They can become grumpy very suddenly, which doesn’t fit with their cool, calm, perfect exterior – They are very, very health conscious and will shock you with their knowledge of the human body, medicine, and/or psychology – They’ll help you, no questions asked, and expect nothing in return no matter how big the favor.
Libra: They can’t stand taking orders – They can actually be all over the place and very unbalanced, it takes time and maturity to become balanced – They can actually be pretty feisty and confrontational – They’re not always charming and flirtations, they can be indolent and completely unaware of others’ feelings – They don’t like to make decisions.
Scorpio: They are sexual but not sex-crazed maniacs – They can be intimidating with their piercing eyes, mysterious nature, and supernatural air but that doesn’t mean they’re dangerous, actually, they’re usually softies – You cannot insult a Scorpio, they are too sure to bother with you – They have steeled their face and show as little emotion as possible but feel very deeply – Scorpios are actually very heroic, they will risk their life and do so without regrets, no matter what – They are protective and gentle, especially of children and those in need.
Sagittarius: They are completely unaware of how their words hurt – They are dreamers and very creative – Though known for being strongly religious, they’ll grow skeptical as they age and mature – They will do anything, take any chance, when it comes to love – Despite how their words may hurt, they mean no harm, they would never intentionally hurt a friend.
Capricorn: They can party and laugh unlike anyone else – They have a good sense of humor, that is more than just sarcasm – They are loyal and will do anything for their friends – They are very soft, insecure, and sweet on the inside – They want to join in, they really do, but they’re afraid of how they’ll look – They greatly admire their friends – They want credit and success, but usually not the spotlight – They aren’t afraid of losing control or failure, they’re afraid of how you’ll look at them – They are unafraid of using others to reach success.
Aquarius: Intimacy may scare them – They are realists who still believe in magic – They can make a game out of shocking others – They’ll laugh at you for laughing at them, as Linda Goodman once wrote – They, like Scorpio, have an almost supernatural perception – They ask blunt and sometimes bizarre questions – They won’t even blink at the most bizarre of things.
Pisces: They can be emotional, but that doesn’t make them unable to handle the world around them or weak – They’ll smile through their tears – You can’t hurt them with an insult – Though they may seem to see the world through rose-colored glasses they are nowhere near naive – Despite their bright personality, despondency is always hanging over their shoulder.
‘She died doing what she loved: swearing profusely.’
StandardHOW VENUS SHAPED YOUR HEART
Standard♈ ARIES // A fiery inferno. An organ set ablaze. Unimaginably hot and wildly untamable, fervently consuming all it is fed; the good and the bad. It radiates a heat that can thaw cold cheeks and frost from shivering lips – or engulf you, swallow you whole and leave you as nothing more than smoldering ash. This heart needs generous kindling and constant stoking. Never to be smothered or snuffed out. It beats in booming thunder, and bleeds in plumes of smoke.
♉ TAURUS // A whittled heart of knotty pine, with intricate floral patterns etched deep into its wooden surface. A lacquered finish makes it sleek and glossy. A natural beauty. Carved and hollowed out, so that it can collect all the beautiful trinkets it finds, and lock them away. This heart needs an antiqued key, and reliable eyes that can cherish each and every lovely treasure they’ve buried so deeply in their chest. It beats in gentle echoes, and bleeds in sweet, sticky resin.
♊ GEMINI // A gilded, golden cage, with ornate engravings on every spindly, metallic bar. Glinting and gleaming in playful light; it dazzles and draws many admirers near. However, if they step too close, or extend their fingertips to touch – the hundreds of tiny, frightened finches inside release shrill and frantic chirps from silver beaks. A flurry of ruffled, rosy plumage. This heart needs a patient hand to release the latch. To let the feathers fly, and simply listen as the birds sing. It beats in the flutter of wings, and bleeds in pastel sunrise.
♋ CANCER // Tessellated sea glass and elegant vintage lace; smooth and embellished with pearls that glow soft and argent like the moon. It contains the entire ocean, with all it’s depth and warmth and comfort. Churning, swirling, salty waves flood the arteries and fill it will the soulful beauty of the seas. A home for many – a drowning place for some. Love flows uncontrollably, unconditionally. This heart needs lungs that can breathe underwater. Hands both strong enough to carry it, and so gentle it won’t shatter. It beats in the ebbing of the tides, and bleeds in soothing moonbeams.
♌ LEO // Lustrous sunlight encased in crushed red velvet. Luxurious and sparkling. Bold and rich. It transfixes others adoration and desire with the scintillating light that leak from its seams. It brightens and blinds all those who gaze upon it. Illuminating only the pleasant things, and melting the affection it is fed. This heart needs amorous eyes that have never beheld such a wonder, and will never forgets it’s beauty. It beats in boisterous trumpets, and bleeds in liquid gold.
♍ VIRGO // Precision cut and polished clockwork. Burnished brass and copper coils. Silver springs and cogs and gears that mesh and mash in a complex, synchronized rhythm unlike any other. When well-oiled, love ticks and tocks effortlessly; consistent and hypnotic. It winds and unwinds as it chooses. This heart needs feet that can get lost in a waltz, but still keep time. It beats like a syncopated metronome, and bleeds in bubbling amber.
♎ LIBRA // A twinkling, paper lantern; thin as the wings of a butterfly, and just as weightless. It emits a faint glow from the romantic light flickering inside, yet drifts listlessly through the chest cavity – as though no love can pin it down. It can be folded and creased to look like all that intimacy should be – but isn’t. This heart needs real romance. To be held with grace and loving balance. It beats in charming laughter, and bleeds in floral perfume.
♏ SCORPIO // A twisted labyrinth of thorny vines and ruby flowers. Dark and intimidating, but oh-so alive and growing. Roots constrict and thorns prick to fend off deceitful lovers. But if they’re willing to bleed – each rose that blooms will do so just for them. An endlessly beautiful garden; secluded and full of the richest reds and luscious greens. This heart needs love that is true and unafraid of hurt; that will not let the petals shrivel or wither. It beats in whispered “I love you”’s, and bleed in twilight skies.
♐ SAGITTARIUS // A gluey patchwork of auburn leaves and borrowed things. Stitched together from pieces of foreign hearts to form a hot air balloon-like contraption. Tethered only by heart strings, and fueled by an single spark. Always eager to take flight, to feel new heights, and caress the clouds. This heart needs a skyscape that never ends. A spirit with no map. It beats in whistling fire crackers, and bleeds in afternoon sunshine.
♑ CAPRICORN // An impenetrable exterior of compressed coal; smoky black and unattainable. However, if one stays and chisels for years, they’ll discover this hardened stone is a literal diamond in the rough. A glittering, jewel encrusted cavern. Its walls and arteries lined with vast riches; emeralds and rubies and sapphires. Resplendent and full of love. This heart needs one worthy of holding such a valuable chasm. It beats in refined symphonies, and bleeds in the boldest red wine.
♒ AQUARIUS // A sparkling prism lodged ambiguously in the rib cage where a human heart should be. It’s crystalline surface clarifies the cloudy, and gives the dull new splendor. It isolates and captures the smallest, most imperceptible glints of light, only to reflect and dissect the spectrum of color in it no one else would ever notice. This heart needs eyes that can peer through a kaleidoscope and see new rainbows every time. It beats in neon flickers, and bleeds in cosmic stardust.
♓ PISCES // Wispy gossamer and creamy silk, loosely woven together like a dream catcher. A tattered tapestry of delicate, warm fabric; embroidered with strands of silver thread and tiny beads of amethyst. This heart absorbs all forms love, and unfortunately, all sorrows. It is stained with the fingerprints of every hand it’s held. Soft and sensitive; it should be handled with the most tender care. It beats in soothing lullabies, and bleeds in shimmering, lavender bubbles.
what your sign is professionally certified at:
ChatAries: accidentally biting their tongue
Taurus: ignoring people
Gemini: talking during class without getting called on
Cancer: pretending they’re innocent
Leo: stalking people
Virgo: acing all their exams without even trying
Libra: annoying the shit out of everyone
Scorpio: scaring everyone away
Sagittarius: making puns
Capricorn: eating without getting fat
Aquarius: running away from their problems
Pisces: being lowkey evil