We we’re at a poly event and I was chatting with an acquaintance. He and his girlfriend have a girlfriend together, it’s a three-way relationship and he was telling me that since he’s had to start pleasing two women in bed his endurance has improved significantly. He detailed a moment where he made one of his girlfriends squirt while bringing the other to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it was clear from the grin on his face he was pleased with himself. “I can fuck for hours now, I have to take a break once in a while but a few months ago there’s no way I would have lasted, I just didn’t have the stamina.” We joked that this was yet another benefit of eschewing monogamy; you have no choice but to become way more skilled in bed.
“Is that the guy you’re seeing?” he asked when he saw
Rumi
talking with my husband at the bar. I nodded. “When you guys fuck is it threesomes or do you just see him alone for dates?” he asked. I explained that it was just for threesomes, that we all really enjoyed the enthusiastic dynamic we had together and it pushed everyone’s buttons. I told him about the amazing synchronicity we have and gushed about the time we had an exhibitionist three-way that ended in both of them cumming simultaneously in my mouth.I could see it on his face, the shift. He was disgusted. “Jesus I can’t look you in the eye now.” I was taken aback, unsure of how this was any different from what he had shared with me about his own exploits. “I feel bad for your pride here,” he laughed, as if there was something I should be ashamed of.
What part made it unpalatable for him? The fact that the threesome was for my pleasure not theirs? The fact that it was my fantasy? The fact porn has taught him that men’s ejaculate is a tool for degradation? The fact that I liked it? The fact that I said it out loud?
He had just bragged about getting two girls off at once, what made it different?
I know so many men like this, so many of my friend’s boyfriends who hound them for a threesome with another girl but would be repulsed if they suggested one with two boys. Men with sexual agendas that involve making their partners feel bad for not putting out or getting on board with some fantasy that makes their cock hard, yet their enthusiasm disappears if their partners want to explore a fantasy for their own enjoyment that isn’t directly related to their dick. Men who project their own shitty stigmas and assumptions on female desire, men who are critical of their partners turn-ons, men who don’t understand the concept of foreplay. Men who lick a pussy just to get it wet enough so they can shove their cock inside, not because they want to bring good feelings to the girl on the other side. Men who feel threatened by vibrators yet can’t stomach a conversation about their wives unmet needs. Men who remind me the madonna/whore complex is alive and well because they say things like “I could never marry a girl I went to an orgy with” while they are at an orgy. Men who only kiss you when they want to fuck you. Men who jerk off to porn but have no respect for the women who explore their sexuality on that screen. Men who think sex equals penetration. Men who think sex is over when they cum. Men whose masculinities are as fragile as their egos. Men who leave their partners unsatisfied and un-thrilled.
I have no fucking time for these men.
After a little more prodding the answer became clear; he was close minded and misogynistic. He was into women who were sexual for his benefit. I felt sorry for his girlfriends.
(via playhardfuckharder)