the-axe-that-clears-the-forest:
I’m not real sure how to word it, but I hate cold/angry/dead inside Doms that approach me specifically because they think I am not those things (Nate’s friends, I am specifically annoyed by Nate’s Dtype friends).
I dislike the idea that somehow *I* am the broken and vulnerable one, when their offering and opening statements hang on how they think my soft and joy can outweigh their heavy baggage. I dislike this immediate “Oh, you must be real damaged, my hardass bullshit can fix you while you fix me”. No, homie, that’s not the vibe here.
It’s worse than just edgelord talk, too. I don’t find strength in hardness and cold. Anybody can be angry. I should be angry. Anger was the easy choice. I am not impressed that you channel your rage into your sadism, and that you find your softness in taking care of your toys. Fool, you are barely hitting the very lowest bar, and I am better than you at this, so like… no.
The savior complex in Dtypes is nothing new, but holy shit should that not be your foundation and it should not be what you have to offer me. No one fixes me, I don’t fix someone else. You can help make my bad days easier, you can give me insight on battles you already won. But no one will ever be as good at rebuilding my broken parts than I am. Vice versa.
This… instant offer of being my strength because they don’t think I have any, simply because they’re big scary and violent, and being completely sincere about it, makes me incredibly bored and annoyed. I am not the small and fragile one here. You are. And that would be fine, but not if you can’t admit it.
For my part, hell as a Dtype this post resonates with me too, in that sometimes I look around at these “doms” and I just wanna say, like, is there nothing but hardness in your damned souls?? These joyless bastards tend to forget that this is all about intimacy. Intimacy and closeness, and that the human condition has a broad spectrum of emotions for both parties in a bdsm/power exchange encounter it relationship.
So I think when you see behaviors like you’re describing, or Dtypes that carry themselves in such a way it speaks to a certain selfishness. Selfishness in play is easily understood, but it’s an emotional selfishness to withhold that vulnerability from up high so to speak that really rancles me.
I’d much rather my dominance come from a “first among equals” sense rather than paint myself as some stiff upper lip sumbitch who thinks he knows something about fixing people. I find that those types know little about themselves let alone what really drives anyone’s needs and desires.