If I were raped I know for certain that my lifestyle choices and my cheeky “slut pride” posts would be used against me. My ass on the internet would be seen as evidence that I might have said yes. My “no” would matter less because I write about all of the sex I love to have. There would be members of my own family who would say “Well what did you expect?” People who know me and love me would secretly question the validity of my claims, they would wonder what my motive was or assume the story had two sides. There would be folks who follow my blog who would see it as a cautionary tale, they would reassure themselves that they are safe because they do not follow my footsteps. “That’s what you get” would be uttered, either out loud or under breath.
My rapist would say he didn’t do it. People would believe him.When I walk alone at night and someone is following me too closely, or when I flirt with a stranger at a bar with handsome blue eyes and a nice smile, I worry like most girls do that the worst thing might happen. But alongside that worry is another; if it happened I would be blamed.
No matter what your relationship is with sex, no matter how much you have, or what kind, or with whom, you are entitled to say no at any time. Your body is yours. Your “no” is valid.
