1. If your significant other claims to, or is known to “have a thing” for men/women of your race.This is called fetishism, which generally consists of sexual/physical attraction based on stereotypes. For example: the “exotic” Asian/African women stereotype, the sexually potent Black male stereotype… If you’re with someone who just is “into” people of your culture, try asking them why.
2. If they have a friend with racist views.
Birds of a feather typically flock together, and when it comes to things like this, the rule still applies.3. If they don’t check (educationally confront) those friends when they express those views.
What you fail to speak against, is what you ALLOW to happen… I’ll leave it at that.4. If they don’t bring you around family members.
This is sometimes done to shield significant others from discrimination of family members… But beware, the mentalities of family members can be infectious…5. If they are ignorant of, or not making an effort to learn about you or the history/experiences of people of your ethnicity/culture.
Anyone who truly loves/appreciates a person will go out of their way to learn about the cultures which produced this person. That’s a no-brainer. When a person doesn’t make the effort to learn about the societal factors which shape the life of their significant other… that is a problem.6. If they claim to be “colorblind”, or that “race doesn’t matter” or any of that other so-called post-racial, fake liberal B.S.
A person who says this is lying. They’re not saying that race doesn’t matter to them…. they’re saying that deep analysis of such topics make them uncomfortable and for their sake they’d rather just ignore any differences. As the saying goes “being blind to race is just ignoring something that you already noticed.”
7. If you refer to dating them, or they refer to dating you as “trying something new”.
Doesn’t sound right to me… If you want to “try something new” try a new pair of shoes, or a new show on Netflix… But you don’t romantically try other ethnicities as if they’re flavors of Ice Cream, you experience people for who they are.
8. If you seem to be the only person of your race that they are fond of.
Do I need to explain this one?
9. If they cosign your criticisms of your ethnicity
I’ m not really a person who is big on criticizing members of my race when I’m around people outside of my race. Some discussions should stay “in the house” metaphorically speaking. But if you must talk about these kinds of these, your significant other should just be a listening ear. Anything more is out of line.
10. If they cannot, will not, are afraid to, or unable to have discussions on racism.
This is a symptom of a person who is living in denial, ignorance, or both. Either way, it ain’t healthy… Unless you’re in denial too, then y’all will probably get along fine.
