Month: June 2016
*ignores what is happening in the world for my health*
Needs
StandardI read my last reblog in a state of absolute bdsm-related despair last night. I scrolled past it shortly after thinking just these types of thoughts to myself–about how responsible and in-control I’ve been for the last six months. How unflinching and supportive. How intellectual and planning-oriented.
I am aching for some kink. Desperate for a heavy scene. Probing and humiliation. Pain. Pain until my brain turns off and my eyes roll back. Crying like I’ve lost something I’ll never get back. An internal silence.
An internal silence. It’s no easy thing.
But I also feel that my race and racial awareness and kink don’t mix well. I honestly just feel exhausted by white people, and the kink community (at least in my area) is probably 95+% white. It’s really impossible to Just Be A Person in a room filled with white people. It’s difficult to accept their compliments at face value. It’s hard not to see yourself as an instrument for their experience, to remain unencumbered by their gaze. Or at least, it’s been hard for me. Especially in spaces where I can’t maintain my usual boundaries and defenses and still have my needs met.
I have had good partners and wonderful experiences, but still. I’m not sure if I’m quite ready for reentry. Not strong enough yet. So I’ll stay desperate to the point of drowning. For a time.
it’s tiring, isn’t it? being in control, making choices, thinking for yourself. it’s so, so tiring. let me do it instead. you’ll like it.
cleaning with a mr clean magic eraser is such a sensual experience like the mess just goes away it’s so easy…… i just cleaned the fridge and i was turned on the whole time. mr clean owns my ass
The signs as the poetry of Sappho
ChatAries: “Of thunder, in my ears.”
Taurus: “The greatest beauty earth can offer;”
Gemini: “—I have a childlike heart”
Cancer: “soft as she is”
Leo: “I desire and I crave.”
Virgo: “—I conversed with you in a dream”
Libra: “the brightness and beauty of the sun.”
Scorpio: “You burn me.”
Sagittarius: “But all is to be dared,”
Capricorn: “bittersweet, undefeated creature–”
Aquarius: “Softer than rainfall at twilight,”
Pisces: “What means this passionate grief,—”
if we being honest, rihanna doesn’t seem like the best person to text in a crisis
I feel like she’s the type to text back 5 hours later like “you good? 👀”
millennials have actually been so fucked over by capitalism that we created our own sub-economy using paypal and crowdfunding to basically be this socialist inner community that gives money to each other for basic survival needs. just to feed families or selves we fucking crowdfund like 50cents from people who barely are surviving themselves but maybe have an extra dollar that month and we know what goes around comes around.
i’m so grateful for the people who don’t give up on me and are patient with me while i’m distant and trying to figure myself out